What I Really Want
by syaoran no hime
Summary: He wants a child. She wants a husband. Wil their wants meet? ET
1. Default Chapter

Eriol Hiiragizawa's weary blue eyes looked at the grave before him. The bouquet of red roses he had placed on the ground looked out of place in the slightly muddy stone sepulcher. And it was as absurd as the thought of his dearly loved woman lying below the grassy, muddy grave. How could someone as bright, kind, and loving as Mizuki Kaho lie feet below his ground, never to breathe, never to smile, never to touch him the way she did before?

He thought that the most devastating moment in his life was when he learned that Kaho died. 

He was wrong.

For more painful than that was he was alive.

He lost her. He lost their child. He was alone.

But damn it, he was alive.

"Who will it be, Mr. Hiiragizawa? Your wife, or the child?" asked one nurse solemnly.

_"Decide now. We don't have much time. Both of them are in jeopardy," another doctor said, the surgeon, he thought._

_His mind was paralyzed. He loved Kaho Mizuki, loved her deeply. But he loved the child too. The moment Kaho told him that something within her tummy beats, something that was a someone. From their flesh and blood._

_A tear streaked down his cheek. His daughter. His child that both he and Kaho wanted for so long, for ten long years, but was only blessed now._

_"Mr. Hiiragizawa? Are you listening? We have to decide now," said the doctor curtly, feigning impatience when the truth was tension was filling the hallway already. The patients didn't have much more time._

_"Save them both," he mumbled, collapsing on the bench. "Please…do all you can to save them both…"_

_The medics looked at each other, then went back into the operating room. A nurse though left him words that sapped the last of his hopes._

_"We'll do our best, but we can do no miracles."_

_Hours later, Kaho was pronounced death, and her child died of stillbirth._

Daidouji Tomoyo threw the wedding invitation on her bed carelessly as she put away her messenger bag. Yet again, she was one of the wedding sponsors in the Tomoeda matrimonies. Ah, couples nowadays were practical. Of course, if they wanted decent wedding presents, always ask the Daidouji family. It was her mother who started the tradition of being the Fairy Godmother of all Cupid-stricken couples, and she, as the only child of Daidouji Sonomi, must continue the tradition as the Wedding Lady.

She frowned delicately. "I attended one wedding too many." For she now has this certain pull to walk down the aisle too. She had not given that any thought when she was twenty-eight, but now that she was twenty-nine, and people were starting to look at her like a freak just because she happened to be still single at her age…well, that placed a _different _spin into things. Really.

There was only so much "You're not yet married?!" and "How come you haven't tied the knot yet?" she could take.

And those were the _less evil _ones. She also gets some wisecracks, some about her biological clock ticking, others about her losing the battle with the calendar.

Whoever thought of the word _single-blessedness _was probably a bitter old spinster who had given up and out on romance and had resorted into making Goth literatures and the like.

Her lilac eyes fell on her sketch of the wedding gown she imagined for herself. She could imagine how her hands would bring this sketch to life in satin and silk brocade, pearls and fresh petals of white roses. Her hand was itching to go to work already.

She sighed. She was ready to get married, and marriage wasn't ready for her.

In the first place, where was her groom?

She shut her eyes tight, imagining what her future spouse would look like. She could see the handsome black tux fitted snugly on a well-muscled built, the broad expanse of shoulders…but the face…

She groaned. "I want to get married…I want to be a bride. I want to marry on June, and wear my dream wedding gown and have the whole Tomoeda town sponsor my wedding. I want my wedding banquet, I want my lovebirds, and I want to throw the bouquet to the spinsters of Tomoeda. I WANT TO GET MARRIED!!!!"

The next thing she knew, the door opened, revealing Daidouji Sonomi's mystified face. "Tomoyo, are you alright?"

"Mom, I want to get married," she sighed. "Every girl in Tomoeda is married…everyone but me." She looked out at the window. "I want to be a bride." 

Sonomi looked at her daughter in amusement. Her daughter was growing old backwards. "Sure. Get me a willing groom and I'll approve."

"You're not taking me seriously!" Tomoyo complained. "Mom, I want a nuptial! A wedding! A marriage! A union of hearts! A MATRIMONY! I want to wear my wedding gown and eat my cake and—" Her eyes then settled on the stuffed toys placed on the glass cabinet. Her eyes twinkled as she smiled tenderly. "And I want to be a mother."

Sonomi turned serious as she sat down beside her daughter. She cupped her child's face. "You know, that must be the most wonderful wish any woman can make. It's a miracle of womanhood…childbirth." Her eyes saddened. "But marriage? Marriage took Nadeshiko and Sakura away from us already. I don't want to lose you too…"

"Mom…"

Sonomi smiled forcibly. "But I want you to be happy too. Your happiness over mine for always, dear."

Tomoyo grinned. "Thanks, Mom."

"Now do you already have a victim, I mean, a groom for your wedding?"

"That's my problem. How do I get a man for me?" asked Tomoyo, rubbing her hands together. "I mean, I can't just marry a stranger, can I?"

"Well, it depends on you actually," said Sonomi, looking entertained with that prospect. "Seriously though, if you want a child, then we can adopt—"

"I want to carry the child, Mom," said Tomoyo.

"Well then, let's go for IVF…"  
"I don't want a stranger's sperms swimming into me!" said Tomoyo vehemently, face flushed.

Sonomi groaned. "And you have better ideas?"

"Not really. But I'll think of something by and by." She got up. "I think I need a little walk."

"Be home by dinnertime."

"Of course. I wouldn't miss your overcooked pasta for anything in the world." She affectionately kissed her mother's cheek. "Later!"

As she walked down the brick sidewalk, she couldn't help but wish that there would be a falling star. That would seal her fate regarding her search for her groom. But it was too much to ask for; it was only five thirty in the late afternoon, and the sun had barely set. The skies blazed in purple and orange, and for a moment, Tomoyo was too fascinated by the sky display to notice that she was standing in the middle of the sidewalk, jaw dropped open in fascination. Passer-bys looked at her in half-annoyance and amusement. It wasn't everyday that the beautiful heiress of the Daidouji business empire stood there gaping at the sky as if she was looking at Eden itself.

Eriol got up, struggling to contain the dangerously swirling emotions within him. He had vowed to be numb; not to feel anything so he would be protected.

When Kaho died, his heart died along with her.

He ceased to live, so he didn't need a heart.

Beside Kaho's grave was the grave for his daughter, Luna. He touched the crucifix on the grave. "Goodnight, Darling. You are safe with Mommy in her home."

Tomoeda.

He went to the main shrine and rang the bell. He shut his eyes to make his wish.

I want a child.

Tomoyo snapped out of her trance when she heard the bell from the Tsukimine shrine. Her eyes lit up in excitement. She didn't need a falling star after all; the legendary Tsukimine shrine would hear her!

She dashed towards the shrine just two blocks away from where she was standing. However, she was surprised to see someone there already. Wondering who it was, she approached the shrine.

His back was turned on her, as if praying.

She grinned. He must have a wish too, just like her. She imitated him and gave her wish.

I want a husband.

The breeze shook the chimes by the main temple, making both of them open their eyes.

Tomoyo's heart started to hammer peculiarly fast. One look at the man before her started her mind conjuring up images of her mysterious, faceless groom in the handsome dark, double-breasted tux.

Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fitting, it dawned on her.

She found her groom.

**tsuzuku**


	2. 2

Eriol Hiiragizawa felt discomfort with the way the stranger before him gaze. The first instinct for him was to snap at her. He was sure as hell that he didn't look like an alien from the X Files, no. It was a look of admiration, one often thrown at him by the women of London whenever he walks down the sidewalk or rests by the park benches. A stare filled with blissful worship for his Adonis-like features—his infinitely cerulean eyes framed by his no-nonsense glasses, making him sage-like; his perfectly chiseled nose and jaw; and his dark hair cut cleanly.

But there was something else with her gaze that startled him; her lilac eyes were looking at him with _fascination_. Women had looked at him like a piece of art, but she was looking at him as if he was art in poetical motion.

He knew of only one woman who looked at him with that kind of adoration in her soulful orbs. The same woman whom he loved his whole life, but whom he felt didn't love him back enough to live longer.

This summoned unexplainable anger within him. He stood up curtly and walked away.

"H-Hey, M-Mister, wait!" she cried suddenly. He turned to her reluctantly, and now he had no choice but to survey her appearance.

The long, lustrous locks that contrasted beautifully with her creamy skin, her large, expressive purple eyes, her small, pouting lips, and her petite frame that barely reached five foot three. She was clad in long-sleeved pale green shirt and white pedal pushers, her hair pulled up in ponytail with white silk ribbon, making her look like a teenager.

She started to speak again, breaking his momentary pause. "M-Mister, I-I know that what I will say is weird, n-not to mention totally stupid, b-but…" She looked down, blushing.

Annoyance filled him. If there was anything he disliked most, it was giggly, blushing girls. He opted for women who were mature, quiet, and composed, like his beloved deceased wife. "Then don't say it," he said stiffly, turning his back on her once more.

She looked up, embarrassed. "W-Well then," she said shakily. "I take it back. What I will say is _not _weird, not to mention totally _not _stupid—"

He eyed her with disbelief. What was this girl babbling about?

 She looked at him, face flushed. "Will you marry me?"

"WHAT?!" he spat out, losing control of his composure. "Look, may I inform you that I am not entertained by your tricks. Your disturbance is also causing me inconvenience, and I suggest that if you want to maintain the last shred of confidence I have on your sanity, please leave me alone."

She blinked, then smiled demurely. "You didn't answer my question. It's just a yes or no. Will you marry me?"

"Shit!" Eriol rubbed his face with his hands. "You're sick!"

She winced. "Well, I know it was unconventional, but you have to believe me. You are the guy I saw in my dream. Fate meant you for me!"

He groaned. "You're sicker than I thought." He walked away. "Good day. Find yourself some other man to make fun of."

"Well, at least tell me your name!" she called after him.

He turned to her, face blank. "Eriol Hiiragizawa." He quickly turned his back on her, not seeing anymore the shock that registered on the girl's face.

He was already riding the subway home, and still, he couldn't erase from his mind the girl he met just some minutes ago. "Good grief," he muttered. "Fate! Imagine, using fate for her stupid…stupid…whatever. That mentally deranged child…did she escape from an asylum or something? She must have. She barely looked eighteen. A child… proposing marriage…" He ignored the bewildered looks his fellow passengers were giving him. He hadn't realized that he was talking to himself out loud already.

Ever since he arrived in Tomoeda weeks ago, he had grown used to his routine of thinking about Kaho Mizuki and their wonderful moments together as he goes home through the subway. This afternoon ride was a novelty though; no matter how much he tried so hard to –not- think about that freaky girl awhile ago, his mind remained stubborn.

He tried to justify this, thinking that it was because this was new for him. He had been immersed so deeply with his sadness and grief that this little incident suddenly became a highlight for him.

He was in the middle of this convincing theory when a hand tapped his shoulder. 

"Hiiragizawa Eriol-kun!" a familiar voice greeted.

He frowned. Who could have known who he was? He turned to the owner of the hand. He grimaced when he saw the girl from the Tsukimine shrine again. She was smiling at him cheerfully, as if they had been intimate friends for quite a period of time.

"What are you doing here?" he growled. With that, a few passengers turned to him, mostly women, in disapproval. He cursed himself. Of course, no matter what the circumstances were, it still wasn't right for any self-respecting gentleman to react like that to a lady, even if the lady happened to be mentally defective.

She maintained the impeccable smile on her face, making her even look younger and more innocent looking. "I was still hoping that you would change your mind about my proposal—"

"I will NOT marry YOU!" he yelled, and he regretted this again. The wary, withering looks he received from the other passengers dashed the last of his self-esteem. He decided to explain subtly. "I will NOT marry a STRANGER! We just met! Do you expect me to do something so damn reckless? Besides, you're just a kid!"

She held her hand up, laughing. "You know, if you let me explain, then I can erase some of your reservations about my proposal." She ticked one finger. "First, I'm twenty-nine years old, and I'm anything but a kid." She smiled coyly. "Although I was flattered when you didn't guess my age with my looks."

He glared at her, and she continued. "Second, I'm no stranger. We met long ago, back when we were in elementary. I know you very well, in fact."

"I don't believe you."

"You moved from London to Tomoeda Elementary School in fifth grade, and you became Li Syaoran and Kinomoto Sakura's classmate. You play the piano for your church, and you left for London with Mizuki-sensei after you had settled things between you and Sakura regarding the cards." She smiled sweetly. "How's that?"

"Are you a stalker?"

"I'm too pretty to be a stalker." Her eyes twinkled. "You still don't remember? Why, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! You hurt a lady's feelings badly."

He took a closer look at her again and realized something—she looked familiar. Achingly familiar. The features of her face, the almost melodious tone of her voice…

"My offer still stands. Will you marry me?" she asked again, smiling impishly.

"If that guy says no one more time, _I _will marry you!" a random man from the back of the train yelled. It solicited laughter from the passengers.

"Damn you!" His eyes were spitting out with fire. "Damn you, Daidouji Tomoyo!"

But she barely flinched. She smiled some more. "Known at last."

Soon, they were walking home already. She was still following him home.

"Come on, Hiiragizawa-kun, once upon a time, we were friends. Can't you at least give me a try?" she asked.

"NO!" he barked. He had enough humiliation in the train alone. Why did she have to do this until here?

"This is my last card, but I'll give it anyway." She took a deep breath, then said, "How much?"

He turned to her angrily. "I do not need your money, Daidouji-san. I need you to leave me alone!"

She bit her lip. "You know, I won't be this desperate if I have no reason." She stopped walking, stopped following him. She leaned on the brick wall, sighing.

Eriol paused when he didn't sense her presence anymore. He turned around and found her looking down on the ground pensively.

"And what are you doing now?" he asked, irritated.

"Hiiragizawa-kun," she murmured, looking at him. Behind her, the sun had finally set. It was dark, and yet her eyes seemed to glow, mesmerizing him, to his mind's utter dismay.

"I dreamed of my groom, and it was you in my dream." Sadness and desperation was evident in her voice. "It's just a matter of time before I become thirty, and I will lose the battle of ages with the calendar." Lump formed in her throat. "I don't want that to happen…I don't want to die alone. I want to be married…I want to be a bride…"

Strangely, he froze. He listened. And sympathy was starting to fill him.

And he listened to her dreams about cakes, lovebirds, gowns, and flower-covered aisles. Of the perfect sunset, the perfect bouquets and garter catches…

He was stunned. Kaho Mizuki never spoke of wedding that way. They looked at the ceremony as a ritual, nothing more.

But listening to his old classmate talk, something warm rose within him.

And he didn't like it one bit.

But her last statement caught his attention.

"…and I want to be a mother."

He walked towards her slowly, something forming in his mind. "Is that so?"

She looked up, surprised by his sudden attention. She silently wiped a tear away, embarrassed that she didn't even notice herself crying already.

He inhaled deeply, then spoke up. "Daidouji-san, does the offer still stand?"

Her eyes shook.

"I will offer you my name and the wedding that you want…" He looked at her intently. "But you will have to give me a child. After which, we will go on separate ways."

"Y-You mean…like…divorce?" she asked, voice barely audible, her hopes for happily-ever-after endings with her fairy tale wedding dashed.

"Exactly," he said coolly. "I want a child, but there's no room for extra baggage." He smiled sardonically. "You know what I mean. You're smart, Daidouji-san."

She shook like a leaf. Was fate playing with her? But she fought for her last shred of poise.

"Damn you." With that, she slapped him and abruptly turned the other way.

_I hate you! I hate you, Hiiragizawa Eriol! _Her mind screamed over and over again. And damn her too, for all he was worth, she still wanted him.

It was love at first sight for her, but she was better off falling for a rock. Hiiragizawa Eriol was not a prince charming she imagined to be, just a piece of cold, lifeless stone.

**tsuzuku**   


	3. 3

**_KYTE!!!! Miss yah, girl! Mwah! Send my hi to the rest of the E+T ML. ^^_**

Tomoyo idly traced the picture of the young, smiling boy in her dog-eared elementary school yearbook. The photos were done in sepia, but it didn't prevent her from admiring the boyishly cute grin on his face. His eyes twinkled playfully, but at the same time, the eyes commanded authority and wisdom not familiarly seen on an eleven-year-old lad.

Even back when he was young, Hiiragizawa Eriol was _something_ out of the ordinary.

She smiled sadly. The eighteen years though changed him; hardened him. The delightful twinkle of mischief was no more, replaced by the cold, blank void in his deep blue eyes. It nearly made her cry; he must have undergone a tragedy for him to become like this. After all, he was not a mere mortal; he was a reincarnation of the wisest mage in the world. He wouldn't be moved easily, like a steady rock.

She silently wondered what could have happened to turn someone like him into a bitter, cynical man.

_He is not that hopeless, _she reminded herself. _Remember, he mentioned something about wanting a child. He is not a nihilist after all. He still wanted something after all._

She winced when she remembered his harsh words again.

Excess baggage.

She closed the annual and lied back down on her bed. She would never have imagined that someone could treat _her_, Daidouji Tomoyo, that way. It was a new experience, one she was torn between feeling hurt and feeling intrigued.

Why was he so interested with a child, but not with a wife?

_Is he gay?_

She snickered. Women would surely gnash their teeth for the waste of good XY genes then.

_And why don't he just adopt if he want a kid?_

These and hundred more questions left unanswered buzzed in her head as she closed her eyelids wearily.

The grand cathedral was dressed in immaculate white silk and roses, with the petals strewn on the carpeted aisle. She began to walk towards the altar, where her man was standing, waiting for her. She watched in slow motion as he reached out his hand to her.

_She swallowed air nervously, then dropped her bouquet and hurried towards him._

_However, every step that she took was widening the gap between them. She was near to tears; where the heck was he going? Her heart panicked as she heard something ticking. Her face paled worse than Captain Hook's did when he heard the ticking of the crocodile—she was hearing ticking too, but she knew what it was. Her biological clock!_

_Just then, church doors appeared before her. Before she could get in, the heavy wooden doors shut close in front of her, its sound reverberating in finality._

_She slammed on the doors repeatedly, frantically. "Wait! Let me in! I want to get married! I still want to make my dreams come true!" A tear rolled down her cheek. "LET ME IN!!!"_

_Behind her, she heard someone speak._

_"You still don't get it, do you?" Eriol Hiiragizawa, dressed in groom clothes, crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I do not want you." Disgust was evident in his face. "You can never be good enough for a wife. The least you can do is give me a child."_

Her eyes flapped open.

Even in her dreams, her problems kept on rearing its ugly face to her.

She tried to cheer herself up. "He's not the only man in the world! I can get other men to marry me without me having to work out compromises."

Now, had she only been sensible and practical, she would have been soothed by that thought.

But the thing was, she was an incurable romantic. And she believed that her dream was telling her something.

Something spelled E-R-I-O-L H-I-I-R-A-G-I-Z-A-W-A.

She buried her head underneath her pillow, groaning. She knew it; she had a crush on that damn man. But her heart insisted that what she was feeling was something much, much, deeper—something totally out of her control.

The next morning, Tomoyo was on her way to the park when she passed by the Tsukimine shrine. She immediately recognized the figure by the stairs, sweeping. She felt herself smile instinctively as she jogged up to greet him. "Eriol-kun!"

He looked up briefly, displeased to be interrupted in his chore, as if he was stopped just as he was about to sign a pact proclaiming world peace finally.

"Ohayou!" She sat down the swept part of the stairs. "I didn't know you work here."

"Now you do," he said tonelessly. "And I hope you also surmise that you are disturbing me."

"Aw, now don't be grouchy." She tilted her face towards him inquiringly. "I came here about the proposal—"  
"My answer is still 'no'," he said impatiently. "I just want a child in my life. I'm not yet ready for a wife."

"Why not? How can you want an angel without its mother?" she asked curiously.

"I'm already married," he said simply.

"Oh!" She felt her heart fall in disappointment. Of course, someone as lethally handsome as him would not be without a wife. It would be a disgrace to Adam's clan. "T-To whom?" she managed to choke out.

"To Kaho," he replied curtly.

She looked down, hoping the ground would swallow her whole already. There she was, pestering him to marry her when all this time, he was already committed sacredly to another woman. She felt her heart ache peculiarly.

"You say you're not yet ready for a wife, and yet you married Mizuki-sensei?" she asked.

"I'm a widower," he explained simply. He began to sweep the part where she was resting, a little pointedly perhaps.

That was rather unexpected. He was married then suddenly, he was widowed.

"You know, I don't have the time to do lazy chitchats today," he said, not bothering to sound apologetic. "I'm in a hurry."

"Oh, then let me help you!" She got up, but he shot her a look.

"Stay there and don't come near me," he hissed.

She groaned. "I don't have any contagious disease!"

But her reassurance didn't even help him. He was still looking at her dismally.

She felt her face burn. It was her first time to have someone display such repugnance for her. First, she was an excess baggage. Now she was a victim of some kind of communicable illness!

Common sense told her to leave him alone and never attempt to see him again, but she could hear the ticking sound once again.

She got up. "Mister, I'm coming back, and I'll never stop until you say yes. This is my last chance for a trip to the aisle, and no one can ever stop me, not even a stubborn, pig-headed reluctant groom like you! Mark my words!"

"I will never marry you, even if you were the last bride on Earth!" he yelled, emotion finally seeping into his toneless voice.

And that made her heart jump. Looking at him, she suddenly imagined him all passionate and fiery, a man of Vulcan fire. It sent electricity running up and down her spine.

"Good day, Daidouji-san," he said quietly, turning his back on her. "I expect not to see you again."

"You have poor conviction!"

He didn't even turn to her. He kept walking back towards the temple.

She hurried after him. "Eriol-kun, wait up!" She needed another strategy. He was too conservative for her strong approach, so she decided to try another one--- a _stronger _approach. A shock treatment. "I know why you don't want a wife. You're gay?"

He froze, and he slowly faced her. His smile was mocking. "Really?"

She stopped, smiling triumphantly. Now she had his attention! "I mean, you could never have a happy family without a wife, right? And the child…it wouldn't grow up completely without motherly guidance and affection…unless you could provide it—"

He roughly grabbed her waist and pulled her towards him. "You know how to try a man's patience, Daidouji-san," he said in harsh tone. "Now I'll let you decide whether I am gay."

Her eyes widened when she realized the quickly diminishing distance between his mouth and hers. She knew he was going to do this, and yet she went on with this.

But I only wanted to get his attention! I was hoping that he would hang on to his legendary tolerance.

His senses filled her; his overwhelming masculinity melted her knees, and she knew it was all too much for her.

When suddenly, he spoke coldly. "I see no problem why you should be fretting about a husband." He lifted his head, a scornful smirk on his face. "You easily melt to advantages, and I know that if I do invite you to bed right now, no doubt, you will not protest."

Her face turned white. Her knuckles trembled, and she lifted her hand to slap him. He stopped it in mid-air.

"Once is enough, Daidouji-san," he said, a glacial tone in his voice. "I do not want to sound bloody frank, but you do not interest me. Find some other man to seduce." He laughed sarcastically. "Do you think that the old 'you're gay' scheme will work on me? I'm not gay. It's just that you are not an object of desire."

She controlled the tears forming in her eyes. "Perhaps you're right." She fought back valiantly her turmoil of emotions. "You're worse. You're a dead man walking."

"I knew you would understand." He let go of her brusquely. "We had been friends years ago. I do not want to ruin it."

"Too late." And her voice cracked. But she would not give him the victory of him seeing her cry. No, never! She still had her pride! She turned her heels and dashed away.

Eriol sat down the stairs of the temple, groaning. His crotch was still tight; fortunately, Daidouji Tomoyo was none the wiser. The minute he touched her, he felt uncontrollable heat surge through him. The passion he thought he had long buried burst into flames once again, and it took him all his self-control to maintain his calm, his distance, and his restraint when he stopped himself from kissing her.

Guilt washed all over him as he realized that this early in his life, he was already being unfaithful to the memory of his deceased wife!

Defeated, he buried his face on his hands.

_Damn you, Daidouji Tomoyo. I hate you!_

**tsuzuku**


	4. 4

:: Chapter dedication: Yiae  and Tweetybird^^ ::

"Another round," said Tomoyo, shoving away the empty bottle of pale pilsen beer away from her. She was inside a rather unknown second-class bar, a gay bar to be exact, drinking and drowning her troubles away. She wanted to forget the humiliation she got in Hiiragizawa Eriol's hands, but more importantly, she wanted to forget the sensation that he roused in her when he kissed her. No, she couldn't accept that a mere piece of rock woke up the woman within her.

Her eyes were cast upon the seductive groove of the bodies of the scantily dressed macho men as the gays, matrons, and groups of teenage girls screamed in delight. She rolled her eyes when one male dancer noticed her watching. He winked at her playfully. She rolled her eyes once more and turned to her drinks once again.

_Pig._

Amidst the dizzying sparkle of neon lights, deafening sounds of hollers and laughter, and rowdy hoots of people, she realized that Daidouji Tomoyo could never have been more alone.

Her drink was served, and she gulped it down once more, venting all her anger at her childhood friend on the beer.

"I see. Thank you anyway. My apologies for disturbing you. Good night, Daidouji-sama." Eriol placed the phone down, sighing. Tomoyo wasn't home yet since the morning she jogged. And it was already nine in the evening. When he called up her house, it only alarmed her poor mother who taught that she was just out visiting her old school friend that came straight from London.

And as much as he hated to admit it, he was a little concerned as to her whereabouts.

He knew that no matter how much she annoyed him awhile ago, he still should have chosen his words carefully. He should know that the clow mistress' best friend was one very sensitive girl.

_Ah hell, what do I care if I hurt her or not? It shouldn't be my problem._

"I'm hungry," said Spinel, breaking his thoughts. "I don't usually complain on those sort of things, but Master, I haven't taken lunch yet."

He turned to his pet, grateful for its interruption. "Didn't Nakuru start with dinner yet?"

Spinel rolled its eyes. "I reckon she had fun in this gay bar of hers, totally forgetting about our own existence and gastronomical needs."

He got up, slightly amused by the thought of his identity crisis-stricken servant swooning and shrieking along with the crowd as naked machos danced in wet and wild abandon. "Maybe I should fetch her."

The feline's eyes widened. "You CAN'T be serious! Master. You do not know what kind of filthiness thrive in those places!" Disgust was evident in its tone.

He shrugged. "Filthy or not, Nakuru and our dinner is in there." He reached for his jacket. "I'll go get her."

"I'm not coming with you, Master," said the feline, rolling its eyes. "I think I would rather stay here and guard the house."

"Guard from what? The bacteria civilization?" Eriol held out his hand pointedly. "Let's go."

Spinel recognized the firmness of its master's voice. It groaned in defeat as it joined its master outside.

"Ma'am, I think you've drunk enough," said the bartender uneasily when Tomoyo asked for yet another bottle.

"S…Shays w-whuu?" she asked groggily, ignoring the dizzying sensation that was threatening to break her equilibrium. She shut her eyes in frustration. _Shit you, Hiiragizawa Eriol. I could still see you in my mind…I'm not yet numb. Damn you, get out of my system!_

"I'm…n-notttt…yet…d-drunk…" she managed to say, vaguely seeing the wincing man. "S-Shee? I…shtill…could…hear hish voish…" she hiccupped, then continued, "t-telling me…me…" Hot tears welled up in her eyes. "I'm a guuud…for nothing deshperate…" She dried her tears with the back of her palm. "…wanton harlot…" She looked up at him, eyes glistening with tears. "Mish…ter, tell me…honest...ly…am I…ugly? L-Loathsome?"

The waiter sighed. "Ma'am, you're drunk. Really, we have to escort you out of here…"

"YOU MEN ARE ALL ALIKE!!!" she screamed. "I hate…I HATE YOU ALL!" She sensed the crowd forming behind her. She turned to them, smiling bitterly. "Hey everyone! Y-You know what…my…only, ONLY dream…is to be a bride…and m…mother. B-But men….they're too cruel…" Amidst the crowd she saw a solid figure making his way towards her. The crowd parted as he walked in front of her, frowning.

She laughed humorlessly. "Aha!!! A man! S…Sho…what'ya doing here?"

"Daidouji-san." The timber of his voice sounded familiar.

She lifted a mocking eyebrow. "Ah…Hi…Hiiwagi…Hiwagishawa Eriol-kun!" She pasted a fake smile on her face, her eyes sparkling. "What can…l-lil ole me do for you… that you cannot do for me… and we cannot do in the…dark?"

"What are you doing in this place?" Disgust filled his voice.

"Jush…jush enjoying myself!" She tried to look at him in the eye, but her world was moving too fast. "H'w bout you…? What'ya doing…here? Sheesh a gay bar…and…you told me…you weren't…g-gay." She grinned. "O-Or were you lying, huh?" She suddenly felt something sour in her throat, and she had to take it out…

"Shit!" she heard him mutter. Seconds later, she realized with the stench that she threw up on him. Despite of herself, she smiled proudly. It was revenge…revenge against his kind. Cruel, savage animals that cared for nothing, for no one…

"Nakuru, take my shirt!" she heard him yell. Just then, she felt herself lifted by strong arms. The familiar musky male scent filled her nostrils. Hiiragizawa Eriol scent. She tried to lift her hand and pound it against his chest as a protest, but realized that strength deserted her. 

"Nakuru, get her bill and pay it…yes, and just take a cab home. I'm driving Daidouji-san home."

That was the last thing she heard before darkness snatched her consciousness.

She opened her eyes and saw that the world had not yet ceased its merry-go-round.

"Finally," she heard a voice say. She tried to focus on the source of the voice, but to no avail.

She felt something touch her cheek and give it a soft slap. 

"How many fingers am I holding up?" she heard the voice ask.

"T-Twenty-eight."

She heard him groan.

"Be serious."

She nodded weakly. "S-Sorry. It was…twenty-nine?" She looked around and finally saw things a little more clearly. The ceiling was not definitely her bedroom's. The curtains were dark blue, as opposed to the soft pastels of her own. "W-Where am I?" she asked hoarsely.

"My room." The voice was unmistakably Hiiragizawa Eriol. She felt the bed shake as weight plunged down beside her. "Do you expect me to take you home to Daidouji-sama with you looking like that?"

"L-Looking like what?" she asked, her eyes searching for the mirror.

Eriol sighed, audibly this time, as he watched her move her sight unsteadily around the unfamiliar environment of his room. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes swollen with tears, and her cheeks all flushed because of the alcohol.

But for the life of him, he found her hair bedroom-sexy, as if she had just been made wild, passionate love to. Her eyes, though puffy, were still exquisite beyond poetry. Her rosy blush made her even more ravishing. And her confused, disoriented look only added to her beauty of seductive innocence.

He clenched his fists and turned his eyes away from her. He subtly reached for a pillow to cover his crotch, then spoke. "You wouldn't want to know."

"Huh?" Her voice was confused.

He exhaled sharply, still refusing to meet her gaze. "What the hell were you doing in the gay bar anyway?" he decided to ask.

He looked at her sideways and saw her rubbing her temples, moaning. His grip on the pillow tightened as he tried to block the rousing sound of her soft cries.

"I was drunk?!" He heard her murmur in disbelief.

"Beyond belief, Daidouji-san," he reminded her coldly. "That is why I took the consideration of not bringing you home right away. I am worried that Daidouji-sama may not find that amusing…her daughter going home from a sleazy bar dead drunk."

She turned to him, eyes flashing. "Hey, hey, don't start talking like a saint! What were you doing in the gay bar, Mr. Perfect?"

"I was fetching Nakuru. She had to make dinner for Spinel and me tonight." He finally looked at her, his gaze mocking her. "Unlike you, I know better than to go off on my own in a place where not even heartbroken daredevils stray."

Her cheeks turned even redder, if that was possible. "Well, excuuuse me, no one told you to intervene. I was having fun there…"

"FUN?!" His voice rose a decibel. "Damn, there you were making a scene in the bar, screaming about your personal tragedies and grievances like a crazed woman—"

"Well, THAT is MY idea of FUN, damn it!" she snapped back. Fire was raging in her purple eyes.

"Stop being stubborn!"

"Well, stop being so condescending! You're so annoying!"

He smiled sardonically. "If you would act your age then maybe I'll take your advice."

"Shit!" She got up, her hand still on her head. "Damn you, how I regret that I still have met you! That I have even hallucinated that you are a man. That destiny is always right…"

"The feeling is mutual."

"I'm never going to trust a man with my heart again. You are all careless, emotionless idiots who aren't worth touching a fiber of my life!" she screeched.

"Fine, fine. Just stop screaming."

"Screw you! I'd scream when I want to!" Her mind was still foggy, and rationality had not made its comeback on her yet.

"This is my territory. I'm warning you…" He felt silly arguing with a drunk and very emotional woman, but it was the only way to fight the overwhelming heat in his body that her flaming wrath was able to unleash. She was on fire, and so was he. And he hated his body for being so traitorous.

"To hell with you!" She marched towards the door. "Goodbye, Hiiragizawa Eriol! This is the last time I'll let myself do this acts of desperation!"

He watched her open the door, relieved that finally she was walking out of the room, out of his life. Daidouji Tomoyo was dangerous…very, very dangerous.

He tried to think that after this night, he would go back again to his tranquil solitude. That he would get his mind, body, ego, and id back in control again.

He snapped back to reality when he heard her scream in pain. She banged her head on the aluminum of the door.

"God, why do you have double doors in your bedroom?" he heard her screech.

Despite of himself, he got up to check on her. She was seated on the floor, nursing her forehead.

"Because I know that I will never come into my room drunk and do some stupid stunts…like this one," he replied dryly. He instinctively took her hand to help her up. The still dazed Tomoyo accepted his hand and steadied herself up.

That was their first mistake.

The second their skin touched, flame shot both through them. Tomoyo shakily pulled away, but her knees buckled, and she fell on his, strangely, waiting arms.

She should have jumped away. She should have pushed him away. Yet she just stayed there, taking in his masculine scent, enjoying his strong, warm embrace. She felt his hands cup her face, and still, she didn't act. She dumbly remained standing as his face descended towards her. His lips touched her forehead, traced its fiery path down her nose, her cheeks, then her lips.

And lingered there.

It was gentle, heartbreakingly gentle. She wouldn't have guessed that someone as cold and cruel as him was capable of such tenderness, but here he was, giving her that. He took her time exploring its petal softness until finally, she followed her instinct and opened her mouth. His kiss seared deeper, chasing away the fogginess of her mind. Now she was fully aware of everything around her and within her. The heat rising from her body, and that of his, reciprocating the fire.

Slowly, his kiss turned more urgent, more passionate. She felt herself slowly lose the battle of wits when his hand started to make sensual paths on her body.

She leaned on him, knowing that if she didn't, she will melt down the floor like a puddle. His virility had melted all her muscles into jelly. She was helpless. Hopeless.

And she knew she would give in now.

"Master! Dinner's ready!" Nakuru's cheery voice came from outside the door.

Both of them stiffened, and Tomoyo, acting quickly, disentangled herself from his embrace. Fixing her rumpled blouse, she cleared her throat in an effort to calm herself. Her heart was still racing, her cheeks flushed. She couldn't bring herself to meet the intense gaze he was giving her.

Finally, he spoke up, his voice returning to its passiveness. "We'll be downstairs shortly, Nakuru."

"'Kay!!!" Footsteps sounded away from the door of the room. Silence returned to his room once more.

"Not a word," she hissed, finally summoning the courage to meet his gaze. His eyes were devoid of emotion, as she had grown accustomed to already. "I'm leaving, and you won't mention ANYTHING about this tomorrow." She pivoted and marched out of her room, fighting her tears back.

Downstairs, Nakuru watched, puzzled, as she exited the house without any farewells.

Eriol went down the stairs, face calm, but noticeably more relaxed than it usually was.

"I thought she was going to stay for dinner. I cooked extra for tonight!" whined the servant.

"She's in a hurry," he explained, eyes still trained on the door where she went out. Spinel watched observantly from the corner. Deep in its master's cerulean eyes, it knew something was forming in his mind.

And that something was another matter for the feline to find out.

**tsuzuku**


	5. 5

A/N: Sowee again for the delayed update. I'm rearing a battle acolyte (apart from my nun), so I am a little busy. ^^ Not to mention that I'm making case studies and articles for the school paper. Nwei, enjoy the short update.

_I read the reviews and someone noted that Tomoyo was…too desperate. Actually, I have a reason for that…it's in the plot. I hate to make Tomoyo that way, but the plot I have in mind asks for it. Yeah, and hate Eriol all you want now. ^^ I have something special in mind for them._

_K, that's it, I guess. Chapter dedication: kyte-chan_

Tomoyo woke up, eyes still puffy from her whole night of bawling. She still couldn't comprehend how easily she lost her control over herself. Was she that sexually starved that she gave in to Hiiragizawa Eriol's cold, calculated advances?

A part of her though was unsure. Eriol was calculated, but cold?

His passion was anything but cold; she could vouch her whole inheritance for that. Or was that because he was simply a good actor?

She vehemently shook her head. That was irrelevant. The bottom line was, she had never felt so ashamed of her life until last night. And for the first time in her life, she felt fear and insecurity; vulnerability and uncertainty. All her life, she believed life was always good and sweet and kind to her, for that was what she was like ever since. How in the world then, could someone like the Londoner affect her this way?

Just then, she heard the maid call from outside her door.

"Daidouji-sama, someone is downstairs, looking for you. Your mother is talking to him now."

She frowned delicately. Now who could be that person paying her a social call?

Even though the last thing in the world she wanted to do now was to dress up and exchange pleasantries with people, she forced herself to get up. If her mother was spending her precious time to talk to this said visitor, then he must be someone important.

Anyway, Hiiragizawa Eriol was not worth wasting her whole morning.

She donned her pale blue sweater over her white cotton leggings. She pulled her hair back with her scarf headband, then slightly retouched her face with chamomile powder. Satisfied that her getup was complete, she took her rose-colored shades and placed it on her eyes to cover their swollenness.

"I wonder what is taking my daughter so long…" Sonomi looked up when she heard footsteps heading their way. She smiled when she saw Tomoyo enter the living room quietly.

The raven-haired woman raised an eyebrow when she saw who it was seated in front of her mother.

The blue-eyed devil himself.

"What are you doing here?" she asked despite her earlier vow to act civilly despite her anger at him.

Eriol Hiiragizawa calmly eyed her, as if they were intimately close friends for a long time, as if nothing awkward happened between them last night. "Really now, Daidouji-san, I was just checking if you made it home alright. You were so adamant about me bringing you home. Now that I saw that you are fine, I'm going on my way—"

She frowned some more. This was, indeed, strange. Now why would he do that? Unless…

Sonomi eyed her daughter disapprovingly. "Tomoyo, you should have offered the good man some snacks, at least. Someone informed me that he was the one who brought you home from that…" Her eyes crinkled in distaste. "…third-class beer pub. What were you doing there anyway?"

_Holding a solo prayer rally for world peace. _She quietly rolled her eyes. "Just…stuff." Her gaze went to Eriol's subtly mocking eyes, silently challenging her to tell her mother the same reason she gave him last night. That she was having _fun_. She clenched her fists.

"Anyway, Mr. Hiiragizawa here wants to take you out tonight for a charity ball, and he had already asked my permission, which I freely gave him," her mother said.

She frowned. "Him?"

Eriol shrugged. "Me."

Her eyebrows knitted some more. _Why would he do that?_

She caught a diabolical twinkle in his eye, and she immediately knew that he was on to something. She raised her chin defiantly. Well, she's not scared!

"So will you go out with him tonight, Tomoyo?" asked Sonomi, unaware of the heavy tension between the two. 

"Sure." She smiled, relaxed. "It's the least that I could do to thank him for helping me last night."

He smiled, and she recognized that kind of smile. It was a predator's smile—the smile of the spider while inviting the fly into its web for tea and biscuits.

But she was not afraid. She had psyched herself to hate him. Only hate.

That night, Tomoyo quietly entered Eriol's car as he talked with her mother about her curfew. Daidouji Sonomi beamed approvingly at the man. She rolled her eyes. It seemed like he was easily able to snatch her mother's heart!

Soon, he joined her in the car. He quietly started the engine and drove away from the Daidouji compound.

"Where's my corsage?" she asked sarcastically.

"Save your sarcasm for later," he said, unfazed. He kept on driving carefully on the road. "I need to tell you something."

She exhaled sharply. "Oh really? That's nice. OK, will we be talking about the weather?"

Again, he ignored her. "Daidouji-sama told me how desperate you are to find your groom."

Despite of herself, she felt her cheeks turn red. "O-Oh."

"And I thought it over…I want a daughter of my own." His grip on the steering wheel tightened. "I want a child."

She tried to laugh. "I'm too old to be your child."

He faced her grimly. "That is why I have decided to…marry you."

Her heart skipped and slipped at the same time. "W-What?" she croaked.

"Marriage. I'm proposing marriage."

"Shit…"

"Daidouji-san…"

"Shit you!" she hissed. "Stop the car!" She tried to fiddle with the lock, but apparently, it was automatic.

"I thought you want to get married?"

"Yes, I do! But not with someone like you!" She wished looks could kill. The world would then have one less jerk in the world.

He laughed dryly. "You're twenty-nine years old. Soon you will be thirty. Women at that age are already in their second divorce."

"Well, I'm NOT them!" she snapped. "If I marry, I want it to be for keeps. I want to live happily ever after!"

"You don't seem to take harsh reality well," he said, shaking his head. "There is no such thing as perfect love, because every individual is imperfect. This marriage that I'm proposing is not perfect, but it will suit us both."

Tomoyo was aghast. "How can you say that? Does happiness not count for you?"

"My happiness is to have a child," he said coolly. "Your happiness is a wedding. See? Everything falls into place. It's like a mathematical equation."

"My happiness is not comparable to Math, you jerk!"

He groaned and stopped the car by the on-shoulder. "Look, Math or no Math, you have to face the truth. It's lonely growing old alone." He cast his eyes on the dark isolation of the woods beyond the barbed wires. "We both need someone to take care of us. A child will do that for us."

"For you, you mean."

"Us." He faced her. "Will you agree to marry me if we stay together for a year, and if we are compatible, we'll stay together?"

"Oh. So the marriage comes with an evaluation period!" Her eyes flashed. "What do you think matrimony is, some kind of computer program? Hiiragizawa Eriol, we have not a single common ground and here you are, asking me to bind myself legally and sacredly with you? Go to hell!"

"I know of one common ground," he murmured, gazing at her intently.

"M-Music?" She was starting to get uncomfortable with the kind of look he was giving her.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and inched closer to her. "Yes…that's another common ground." His hand reached out and stroked her cheeks.

"Um…skin care products?"

He chuckled. "Think deeper."

She couldn't. Her eyes were glued to his azure ones, falling deeper and deeper into its infinity.

"The bond between us," he whispered softly, his words light and hushed and gentle. Each word fell like feather on her heart. "It's ancient. It's real. Don't tell me that you don't feel it." He lightly kissed her forehead as his other hand gently caressed the back of her palm.

Electricity ran up and down within her as her heart began to hammer wildly.

He continued his feathery kisses down to the bridge of her nose, her eyes, then her slightly parted lips. His hand guided the recliner down, and she could feel herself falling back. Her heart began to panic. This wasn't supposed to be happening! He didn't care a bit for her. He just wanted to seed a child in her!

But her thoughts collapsed when he kissed her again, this time, with more urgent fire. Heat began to scorch her again, just like what happened in his room before.

Yes, he was right. The fire between them was real.

The way he devoured her, the way he worshipped her lips…it made her feel desirable. And she liked it. She liked how he never seemed to get enough of her. It made her feel wanted.

Then she felt him stop. When she opened her eyes, he was gazing at her quietly, passion still evident in his face. His hand smoothed her skin as he shook his head. He propped her seat back up, muttering.

She looked at him, puzzled. What happened? Why did he stop?

"I want to do it right. I want to do the honorable thing," she heard him murmur. 

And despite of herself, something touched her heart. For all his crude way of treating her, he still respected her, at least as a woman. And looking at him, she once again saw the groom of her dreams. The groom that promised her lifetime bliss.

He faced her. "Daidouji-san, you treat me with hatred and yet, you don't even put up a fight to save your virtue. What do you mean by that?" But sarcasm was not present in his voice. He was simply asking her.

She gazed at him for what seemed like an eternity, then smiled. "Hiiragizawa Eriol-kun, if you…if you intend to kiss me that way everytime…then let's get married."

He suddenly looked up.

"Joke." She smiled uneasily.

He shrugged. "I don't think so." He made a U-turn and headed back to the Daidouji compound.

"W-What…"

"I'm going to marry you tonight. I don't want to wait for sunrise. You might just make things difficult again."

She groaned. "I was just kidding—"

"And I took it seriously."

"Hiiragizawa-kun!"

"Shut up."

"I don't think it's a good idea…"

"I don't give a damn for what you think."

"Eriol-kun!"

"If you don't stop arguing with me, I will continue what I've started but I will NOT marry you."

"You won't dare."

"Try me."

And she kept quiet.

All those hours that she had memorized how she would salvage her pride from this dangerous man was in vain. In the end, what he wanted still materialized.

But strangely, beneath her wounded ego was a happily beating heart.

**tsuzuku**

  
  



	6. 6

There were no angel-winged flower girls, no red carpet, no fresh flowers, no wedding march…not even her dream wedding gown was used.

But as of tonight, she had officially taken Hiiragizawa Eriol's name. 

Tomoyo looked at the glittering wedding ring on her finger. It was not the fire and ice arrangement she had originally dreamed of, but her groom wasn't in the mood to be bothered by trivialities like beautiful designs of jewelry. He got married to secure for himself a child that would legally carry his name.

She nervously darted her eyes towards his cold profile, trying to gauge his feeling regarding this whole matter. As usual, his face was bare of emotions. She silently wondered what pain he had suffered for him to master such talent of camouflaging his emotions so al"I seriously doubt you do."

He turned the steering wheel to the right, and she noticed that they had entered the Hiiragizawa compound. Her eyes widened.

"What are we doing here?" she asked, heart hammering.

"Dinner," he said dully. "If you're not hungry, well, not me." He killed the engine and unbuckled his safety belt. He got out of the car and went straight to the door, not even bothering to open the car door for her.

Her face warmed in humiliation as she got out of the car too. She had never been treated this shabbily in her life! She suddenly wished that she didn't come with him tonight. If only she told her mother about the circumstances instead of letting her pride get in the way, she wouldn't have to endure this kind of attitude from her…

…husband.

Her eyes returned to the jewelry that symbolized her legal and sacred bond to this man…this man whom she loved only because he was what she saw in her dream.

Indeed, everything seemed like one big joke.

And it was too late to back out. She was now married to him, from the moment the court judge gave them his blessings.

It was not her dream wedding, but at least she walked down the aisle. At least she won the battle of the biological clock.

"What are you waiting for, a formal invitation to let yourself in?" Eriol Hiiragizawa's mocking voice floated from the front door. His arms were crossed impatiently.

"C-Coming." She cursed herself for her momentary stammer. She shuffled towards him as he walked authoritatively towards the dining room. To her pleasant surprise, she found a familiar face waiting in the room.

"Ms. Tomoyo!" greeted the face warmly.

Her eyes crinkled into a smile, relieved to finally find a friend after the tension between her and Eriol. "Nakuru!"

"I'm so glad you'll be joining us for dinner tonight!" gushed Akizuki Nakuru, who hadn't seemed to age a day. "I knew I had to make tonight's dinner extra special! Good thing I followed my instincts!" She pinched Tomoyo's cheeks fondly, giggling. "You look so mature! And so lovely too!"

Tomoyo laughed shyly. "Um…yeah."

"Nakuru, let her sit down and eat. She might be yearning to eat already," instructed Spinel, rolling its eyes.

"Well, ok! I'm so glad you dropped by! It's not everyday that we have a guest join us here! I mean, the last time we did was when Mistress Kaho invited some of her friends over for—"

"That will be enough, Nakuru," cut Eriol in coldly. His voice didn't rise a decibel, but his razor-sharp tone made his servant obey promptly.

"K-Kaho? Kaho-sensei?" She couldn't suppress her curiosity. Why had she forgotten that the two left for London back when she was still in elementary? It should mean something, right? "W-Where is Kaho-sensei?"

"She died." Eriol refused to make eye contact.

"I…I…" She looked down, embarrassed. "I'm sorry." She knew how pathetic it sounded. Somehow, it didn't sound appropriate to say, and she knew Eriol knew that.

"Never mind."

She took another swallow of the chicken meat, but she had lost her appetite already. It was as if the mere mention of Mizuki Kaho's name changed the atmosphere of everything inside the house.

And then there was the matter of Nakuru calling her former teacher 'Mistress'. Should that mean something too?

"We can have your things transferred to your room tomorrow," Eriol was saying. "Tonight, you would have to be inconvenienced though. Please make do with Nakuru's pajamas. I'll buy you your other things tomorrow."

"Y-You mean to say…I will live here…with you?" she asked, voice laced with anxiety.

"Yes. All wives live with their husbands, don't they? Or do you have a slightly more liberal idea on your preferred living arrangement?" he asked sarcastically.

"Wife? Husband?" echoed Suppi.

"Oh, goody! You both got married!" said Nakuru cheerily. "Now our house will be less lonelier."

"Impossible!" sputtered the feline.

"Why should it be? They're both above legal ages already." She winked at Tomoyo. "Consenting adults, right?"

"Er…" Something sounded different with the way Nakuru said that.

"But Mistress Kaho—"

"Enough!" Now anger was visible in the pained blue eyes of Hiiragizawa Eriol.

She bit her lip. There it goes again, the mere mention of Kaho's name stirring emotions within him like an unpredictable volcano waking from its dormancy.

When he got up abruptly and headed for the bar where bottles of wines were displayed prominently, she made no more effort to ask him. She felt that she may be his wife in the eyes of law, but the fact didn't give her the access to his heart.

She was inwardly relieved when she realized that she and Eriol would be using separate rooms connected by a bathroom. Nakuru told her that this used to be the Music room of the house, but ever since Kaho died, the room had been converted to a mere guestroom.

Nakuru frowned thoughtfully. "I thought you guys were married."

"We are." She showed her the wedding ring.

"Nice. I like silver though."

Tomoyo laughed. "No. I mean, this ring proves that we are married."

"Oh. I thought you were just showing off your ring…"

She burst into more laughter. "Thanks, Nakuru."

"Sure. You're welcome. Anytime." The servant blinked. "For what?"

Shaking her head smilingly, Tomoyo began to unpack her things.

That night, she couldn't sleep. She had already informed her mother that she just got married that night, that she would be sleeping here in his house tonight, and that they would talk in the morning. Wrath was an understatement for her mother, but sensing her troubled voice, allowed her to sleep for tonight.

She strained to listen to the sounds next door, but apparently, Eriol had not gone to bed yet. She wanted to ask so many things to him, such as why Kaho's presence still affects this household so much. She could already foresee that making him answer was unlikely, but still, it was worth the try.

Then she heard the door of the next room open. Some deep heaved sighs. 

The bathroom door opened, and the sound of the rush of running water filled her ears. Mutters of vulgar profanities reverberated too, making her wince. Now she knew that he was drunk. Dead drunk, in fact.

She heard the sound of the faucet being turned off. Sighing, she turned to her other side and forced herself to sleep, understanding that he wouldn't be in the mood for interrogations.

But then her side of the bathroom door opened.

She pretended to be asleep, to be unaware of his intrusion. She didn't know what to say to him anyway.

Maybe he just got out of the wrong side of the bathroom door, she told herself. I mean, there are two doors…the left and the right. And the ceiling must have confused him. Dear Lord, please let it be that he's not thinking of doing what is in my mind right now.

The whole evening, all in her mind was the abrupt wedding between them, but it didn't occur to her that she still had to handle his side of the bargain.

The child.

He wanted to seed a child in her.

She felt her bed shake with his weight, but she still continued her masquerade. Even when his fingers started to smooth her bangs and her cheeks, or when his wine-scented breath fanned her face.

"Did I wake you up?" he asked huskily. 

She didn't reply.

"If I did, I would feel terrible then, waking an awake person up." His voice was laced with slight amusement and mockery.

She panicked. He knows I'm awake!

He chuckled, then planted feathery kisses all over her face, branding possession all over her. "Let's begin the consummation, shall we?"

Consummation. Her cheeks flamed.

She heard him chuckle some more, then felt his thumb gingerly brush her cheeks. "I promise…I'll be gentle," he assured her.

Her eyes flapped open. "W-Wait!" Her further protest was sealed by his hungry lips, sealing his promise of gentleness as well as he slowly fell on top of her.

Her body began to felt feverish. "W-Wait…" she moaned.

His heavy-lidded gaze fell on her face. "Oh no, don't tell me you forgot to say your bedtime prayer, sweet wife?"

"W-We need to…talk, you know."

"Right. About the bees and the flowers…" He smiled sleepily. "But not now…"

"Eriol-kun!" His face was lowering down to hers again. His mint-scented breath fanned her face once more. "Eriol-kun…" One minute, she was swimming with a turmoil of emotions, and the next thing she knew was she was falling into abysmal darkness.

She woke up the next morning groggily. It took her a minute to reorient herself before she remembered what happened last night. She quickly checked her body and was strangely confused when she felt that she was untouched.

"You fainted on me." Hiiragizawa Eriol's voice floated into the room. Dressed in his blue master's robe and clutching a roll of broadsheet, he looked every inch a husband. She had to smile at the thought.

"You look so happy about it," he said, a look of annoyance on his face. "You can't run away from your marital obligations forever, my wife. We had a deal, and I intend to keep it. I had given you my name, so you should give me what I bargained for."

Her smile vanished. Are we talking about the child here? Our future child? How can he talk so business-like about it as if it was just a product in a barter trade or something? Tomoyo raised her chin in angry defiance. "I will decide when I feel like it."

His eyes crinkled in fury. "I want a daughter as soon as possible. I do not have the time or the patience to live with your whims."

"If you wanted a child so much, you could have adopted—"

"I want to father my own child. And I married you because of that want, not so you can nag me or rebel at me."

"Well, tough luck. I'm not in the mood right now to f---, Hiiragizawa Eriol!" she yelled, now angry too.

"Who's talking about mood?" Before she could react, he grabbed her shoulder roughly and threw her on the bed. He fell on top of her, eyes blazing in anger.

"Get off—" His mouth devoured her lips in deliberate intention to hurt and shame her. He heartlessly bit on her soft lips, then proceeded to lick the blood that came out of it. The kiss was punishing her in a way passion dictated, and so, despite of her outrage, she felt herself responding urgently to him.

This seemed to pacify him, for she felt him pause, then slow down.

She felt him freeze.

"I don't…" She licked her swollen lips. "I don't want sex. I want to make love with you."

She heard him exhale sharply, muttering profanities. Finally, he untangled himself from her arms and pulled her up gently. And she, whose energy was sapped to its very last drop, fell on his chest, sobbing brokenly. She could feel his arms encircling her, bringing her closer to him. She was enveloped in his embrace.

"I'm sorry."

She was stunned. She looked up at him to make sure that she heard him right.

His face was dismally devoid of emotion. "I cannot give you what you want. I do not love you the way a husband should to his wife. You must understand that. This is all a marriage for convenience."

She didn't reply. She just listened.

"Do you want me to say that I love you? Would it make you feel better?" he asked.

She shook her head sadly. It was like handing her an umbrella right after she came into the house drenched from the rain.

"Then you must understand that in our marriage, the word 'love' is insignificant. In our world today, we need a lot of things. Money, companionship, and pleasure, but not always love. At least, practical people opt to do that."

She nodded quietly.

"But I guess it still is not reason enough to force myself on you." He sighed. "But you must promise me, you will give me a child. I want it as soon as…as soon as you're ready." He smoothed her hair with his palm. "Just try not to wear my patience down. I often get very…ah…irrational and imprudent with my actions, you see."

"'Kay," she said weakly, then smiled at him. "But perhaps, you can start calling me by my first name already?"

"Only if you promise not to faint on me the next time we get intimate," he said, smiling a little. 

Her cheeks reddened.

Nakuru passed by the library and saw Spinel engrossed in a book about nature conservation. Something then entered her mind. "Hey Suppi! Do you know that Master Eriol is concerned about the environment too?"

The feline groaned. "What made you think that?"

"Well, last night, I could hear him in the kitchen with his wine, muttering over and over that, 'She's a virgin! Damn it! Lord, save her from myself!'" Nakuru smiled. "I knew he had a thing for virgin forests, but getting drunk over it?"

Spinel groaned and found itself wishing that if there really was a God, He should have given Ruby Moon at least a micro-inch of a brain cell.

To be continued… 


	7. 7

Eriol gaped at the tastefully decorated dining table that morning. Today's breakfast was practically heavier, as compared to the usual breakfast cereals and sandwiches that Nakuru's culinary talent specializes on. Sunny-side up eggs, hotdogs, rice, and a tray of tropical fruits were served in the house.

"H-Hi!" A stammering voice broke his thoughts. He turned to the left and found Tomoyo smiling at him uncertainly. She was holding a pitcher of orange juice.

He looked back at the table, then took his seat. "Nakuru, the newspaper," he ordered.

"W-Wait, I'll get it for you." Tomoyo hurriedly placed the pitcher on the table, then went to the living room. Seconds later, she returned to the dining room, clutching today's edition of his favorite broadsheet.

"Where's Nakuru?" he asked as she handed him the paper.

"She went downtown. We're running low on condiments…"

"I reckon you have examined the cabinet's contents already, am I right?"

She nodded slowly.

"I see." He looked down on his meal. "You…you don't have to do this. We don't need a maid."

She bit her lip. "I-I'm not doing the work of a maid. I'm just being…your wife," she whispered softly. "And a wife is not a mere biological toy, you know."

He fell silent. 

"S-Sorry." She resumed with serving him the food.

"Sit down," he said quietly. "I can eat on my own. Take your breakfast already."

"Later. I'm going to wait for Nakuru."

"I thought you want to do what a wife does?" His eyes pointed to the seat next to hers. "Eat."

She had no choice but to do as told. She went to the seat next to him and started eating too.

"D-Do you have an eight to five job?" she found herself asking when after a while no one had spoken yet.

He looked at her, halfway amused. "Do I look like one who would keep one?"

She shrugged. "Well…even if you are the former Clow Reed, you would still need to pay for electricity bills and stuff. You're not exempted from tax too."

His mouth twitched. "True, although there are times when I'm tempted to create a Clow card to erase bills from our lives forever." He paused to take a bite of his meal, then spoke again. "I compose songs for the church in town. The choir sings it every Sunday."

"And you maintain this mansion with THAT job?" She looked incredulous. 

"I don't get paid for that," he said. "Just sporadic donations."

Her eyes widened. The most powerful mage in the world living on endowments. Now she had seen everything.

"Of course, my stocks in the real estate company didn't hurt too." He shrugged. "But basically, my job is songwriting."

"Can I…ah…see some of your works?" she said softly. She realized that her husband had relaxed immensely, and he was actually engaging her in a surprisingly casual talk. 

The guarded look on his face returned. "You wouldn't want to see them. I made all my songs for my wife and child."

She bit her lip. "E-Even so…" She exhaled shakily. "I-I want to know about the kind of love you gave them." It hurt so much when he made it sound awhile ago that she was an outsider, but she was determined not to let him see how it mars.

"What will you get out of it?" he asked sharply. "You are more of a masochist than I thought." He got up. "Excuse me."  
She stood up. "W-Where are you going?"

"I am not obliged to answer."

"W-Well, at least you can tell me that not out of obligation." Her eyes shook. "D-Don't make me worry."

He paused. Seconds later, he muttered something.

"P-Pardon?" she said.

"Bookstore. I'm going to buy new books." With that, he left the dining room.

===========

"Why did you suddenly decide to get married? And to a stranger at that!" her mother cried in anguish over the line.

"Mom, you're exaggerating. You know him already, and he's a good man." Her grip on the phone tightened. "Really."

"You didn't answer my question. Don't tell me you married him for love?" she demanded.

"Mom, love is not the only reason people get involved…"

"Oh Tomoyo! Of all people, you were the last person I would ever expect to say that!"

"Mom…"

"I know you are sensible. What you did though, contradicts my presumption. Now answer me truthfully: why did you marry him?" her mother asked sternly. "Is it because of your obsession to get married?"

She looked down. "Mom…you may never understand this in a million years, but I'll say it anyway. I fell in love with him the moment I saw him in the Tsukimine shrine. He embodied all my dreams. He is my destiny, Mom. I can feel it!"

She heard the Daidouji matriarch sigh helplessly.

"Trust me on this, Mom. I know when to quit, and right now, I'm far from it. He may not love me, but I have enough love for him and me both."

"But from what you told me, he's a widower. He might just be using you—"

"Don't!" she hissed. "Don't say that, Mom, please!" She felt a lump form in her throat. "I-I need to go."

"We'll talk again, Tomoyo," her mother said. "Rethink your decision. You were too impulsive—"  
"Bye Mom." She placed the phone down shakily and looked at the portrait hanging on the living room. She gazed tearfully at the scarlet-haired woman smiling serenely. "Let him go, Kaho-sensei. Please…" she said softly. "Please…"

"Mistress Tomoyo…"

She turned to see Nakuru looking at her sorrowfully. She dried her tears with her apron and smiled. "H-Hi! S-So the grocery trip is through. Let's get started on making the salad, shall we?"

"Oh Mistress…"

"We'll surprise Eriol!" she said as she led the way to the kitchen. "I make really good salads! That would surely chase away his foul mood!"

Nakuru forced a smile. "Y-Yes. He loves salads…especially those leafy ones."

==================

Eriol was seated on the park bench, browsing through the new novel he bought. However, he couldn't concentrate. His hands were itching for a pen; they also wanted to touch the ivory keys of his grand piano that was long buried under the heavy white blanket. The day Kaho and Luna died, his yearning to write songs died along too. Somehow, he was only reminded of the time he and Kaho sat together in the bench, enjoying his music.

He wrote so many love songs – he wrote his love for his wife's incomparable beauty, he wrote his overflowing love for the child blossoming within the body of his wife. He wrote of how these two women were the biggest miracles in his life.

It seemed so long ago that his pen had shifted to gospel sounds. It was ironic though, when he himself had grown to dislike God for His manipulations in his life. He took away his happiness. Yet He was cruel enough to let him still live.

"That was it. A moment of happiness," he said bitterly to himself. "Ah hell…"

He looked at his hands. He knew they wanted to write something, and he was aware of that feeling. It was the same thing he felt whenever he was inspired to write another song for Luna.

"I want to write…but I shouldn't." He clenched his fists. "God made me miserable, and I should live with that condition to the fullest."

A leaf fell on his shoulder. He looked up and saw the withering leaves.

Autumn was here once more. The season he hated the most. The autumn that took both of his loved ones away from him.

He got up and walked away.

======================

"Now we have to wash the vegetables…" Tomoyo tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she finished stirring the dressing. She passed the bowl to Nakuru to have her concoction refrigerated. "Now go and set the table, Nakuru."

"Aye, aye, Mistress!" The moon servant saluted.

Tomoyo laughed, then continued with washing the vegetables on the basin.

She turned the faucet on, but didn't realize that she did it too much. The running water blasted down on her hand in full force, making her scream in surprise.

That sent Nakuru and Spinel rushing into the kitchen. "Mistress Tomoyo!"

"I'm fine!" she said, succeeding in turning the faulty faucet off. "I guess I screwed up with it." She reached for the towel to dry her hands when she realized something.

"M-My ring! My ring is gone!"

Nakuru rushed into the sink and looked at the drainer. "Hmmm…it might have gone down though that!"

Tomoyo panicked. "Oh no! I have to get that! Eriol might not like it when he learns that our wedding ring clogged up our sink!"

Nakuru nodded. "We have to get it out!"

"Call the plumber," suggested Spinel.

"No time! Master Eriol would be here any minute now!" said Nakuru.

Tomoyo looked around the kitchen, then clapped her hands. "I have an idea! Nakuru, get the monkey wrench!"

The servant's face looked at her blankly. "The what?"

Tomoyo groaned, then looked for it in the tool cabinet herself.

==============

The first thing Eriol noticed was the water seeping from the kitchen. And then it was the panicked cry from Tomoyo. That jumpstarted him into hurrying towards the kitchen.

Only to find the woman hunched under the sink, desperately tying an absorbent cloth around the pipe. She was already drenched halfway from her ankles. Her hair was also wet, and so was her face.

He couldn't suppress a smile. She was a funny sight right now.

Nakuru, Spinel, and Tomoyo were so immersed in what the woman was doing that they failed to notice the additional presence in the room.

"Oooh, where does all this water come from?" Tomoyo cried out loud in frustration. "Is this thing hooked to the South China sea?"

"Don't give up, Mistress Tomoyo! The ring should be swimming out down any minute," said Nakuru encouragingly.

"By that time, the compound had been an extension of the sea of Japan," he said at last.

The three turned to him at the same time.

It was Tomoyo who got up suddenly, face flushed. "I-I'm sorry! I-It was my fault! T-They were just trying to help me…"

"You were…looking for something?" he asked.

Her eyes widened. "Aah…"

He reached for the spanner in her hand. "I'll get it." He knelt down in front of the leaking pikes and went to work.

Tomoyo turned to Nakuru and the feline. "Continue setting the table so we can get dinner already."

The two nodded immediately and left the two of them alone in the room. Silence reigned for a few moments until finally, Tomoyo spoke.

"I-I'm really sorry about this…"

"You already said that."

"I-I really am."

"You sound like a broken record player already." Within minutes, he made her ring materialize in his hands. "Here."

"T-Thank you." She was about to take it when he seized her hand. He then gently placed the ring back on her finger.

Tomoyo blushed uncomfortably. "Aah…"

He stood up already. "Get up. Where's dinner?"

"C-Coming right up," she said. She got up shakily, wincing at the prickling sensation in her legs. It was then that she realized that she had been seated on the floor for hours already. "Um, Eriol-kun—" She didn't have the chance to finish what she was saying because she slipped on the floor. Eriol quickly grabbed her to help her regain her balance. However, that startled her. Impulsively, she pushed him away hard, sending both of them down on the floor again.

"Christ! Ouch!" yelled her husband, holding on to his back.

Tomoyo combed her wet strands away from her eye. "E-Eriol! Oh my gosh! I-I'm so sorry!" She tried to crawl towards him, but slipped again. She crashed down on him, making him yelp in pain some more.

"Woman! How did you get this clumsy—" He looked at his drenched shirt. "Oh damn!"

She blinked, then burst into laughter.

"I demand to know what the hell is so funny!" he yelled.

She laughed some more. "You are! You look so silly! Oh, get up, Eriol!" She surveyed his appearance with twinkling eyes. He was drenched too, and his hair was slick with water. His glasses fell on the tip of his nose, and he was struggling to push it up while maintaining his balance on the slippery floor.

"Why, thank you. You are an ego booster!" he snapped. But his outward annoyance was just a cover for the creeping feeling of embarrassment within him. And it was a fact of life that an Eriol Hiiragizawa, a Clow Reed reincarnate, NEVER gets embarrassed.

"Here, let me help you." Her hands pushed his glasses back to its place.

The task was over in seconds, but still, her hand hadn't left the frame of his glasses. She was just staring at his face with quiet contentment and admiration. She took in his handsome face to her heart, memorizing its contours and shadows. Hiiragizawa Eriol's face.

Eriol, on the other hand, was beginning to grow unsteady with the way she was looking at him. He couldn't understand why for the life of him, he couldn't snap at her and tell her to stop what she was doing.

Her hands left his glasses, and made its way to his cheeks. Her skin was trembling, but he could feel the determination that lies within it.

And before he could stop himself, he took her hand and placed it back to her side. "You will only do this when you are ready to go to bed with me," he said firmly.

Her eyes looked hurt, and despite of himself, he felt himself wince inwardly.

"I only wanted to touch you…must that always mean sex, Eriol?" she inched away from him, sighing.

"I am a widower…I had been celibate. And now, I am a husband again. I am a man first and foremost, with basal needs. You shouldn't ask such silly things."

"Can't it mean that I love you?" she asked, eyes shaking. "Is that silly?"

He froze, then laughed mockingly. "Love? Daidouji Tomoyo, we had never been close when we were young. And we just met days ago. Do you want me to believe what you just said?" He got up. "Let's go get that dinner."

She got up, clearly dumbfounded. "Am I not allowed to fall in love with my own husband?"

"Hey, hey." He faced her. "We entered this relationship because it would prove beneficiary to both of us. You want marriage, I want offsprings. It's nothing but a symbiotic, physical kind of thing. You're just confused."

"Y-Yeah…maybe." She embraced herself, making her look even more vulnerable. "Maybe…"

_But I am attracted to you._ He stopped himself just in time from saying that. No, his honesty would only confuse her even more.

He shouldn't take advantage of her vulnerability. She was just confused—it was the only sane explanation for her falling in love with him in barely two weeks. Love takes time and effort to grow. Theirs contain none of those.

He looked at her quietly. All her life, Daidouji Tomoyo was not loved by a man before. Perhaps, she must have psyched herself up for this situation.

"Tomoyo…" he heard himself say with such utter tenderness that it puzzled him. Where did that emotion come from?

"I'm sorry for forcing you into this awkwardness." She composed her face into a cheery smile. "Let's go get that dinner!"

_Tomoyo…_ He watched her walk past his shoulder and caught a glimpse of what seemed like a tear that she briskly wiped away from her eye.

======================

to be continued (I MEAN it! Syao WILL continue this fic! ^^ Just to let you guys know that she's not going to let this baby go on hiatus!)

Syao-chan: I read your reviews, and thanks so very muchie. ^^ Don't worry. This fic will be updated. It's just that it's summer vacation, meaning no allowance for ur Syaochan. No internet allowance for her then ^^. But I'm letting you know that I'm working on ALL of my fics right now.


	8. 8

_"Master…Mistress Kaho had known long ago that this might happen. Her life was already threatened by cancer early on—that was what Kinomoto Touya told us," said Spinel quietly after the burial ceremony that only the three of them witnessed._

_Though he made no response whatsoever, the feline continued. "She knew how much you wanted a child, so she decided to bear one so that even if she leaves, a memory of her will remain with you."_

_"A murderer," he spoke lowly. "That is what I am. I murdered my wife and child."_

_"You didn't know, Master," said Nakuru, trying her hardest not to cry. _

_He suddenly got up, eyes blazing in anger. "And that is my biggest stupidity, Nakuru! I didn't know! How could I not know, a reincarnation of the wise Clow Reed?" he yelled, raw pain in his face and hoarse voice. "Here I was, pressuring her silently for a child that placed her life on jeopardy, and I didn't even know its implications! How the hell did I fail to know?" His chest constricted as he sat back on his seat defeatedly. "And why did I learn of that only when it was too late? Why wasn't I able to save the most important person in my life, with all my knowledge, my power…" His voice broke. "Why…?"_

_The servants could only watch the disillusioned young mage cry his heart out in anguish. Not even the highest form of his magic could undo history—including the deaths of the people he loved the most, Mizuki Kaho and the child in her womb._

=======================

What I Really Want: chapter 8

At last, the chapter update…and it's not as long as it should be. Nweiz, the author dedicates this to all the readers and reviewers who didn't give up on this fanfic even if Syao-chan couldn't update it as promptly as she used to do (hey, back then, she didn't have 15 other fics to worry about . She had learned her lesson though; don't start what you can't finish -) .

Special shoutouts: omitot (kaulayaw ko sa YM at pinagtyatyagaan ang aking open worship service sa Naruto bishies ko, lalo na kay Surrrr Kakashi), StinkerBW (don't lose your heart on ET despite the recent tragic endings of my fanfics. You know that syao-chan is a freak and will always be ), and Soulmates (I have another dedication for you in my Ren/Piri ficcie, if ever I finish it .. I'm not sure if I would upload it so I greeted you here already just to say thanks for the rave! ). Kyte-chan…ah…may the love of Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears fill your soul with peace doubles over, laughing her small and large intestines out My sis sends her thanks for your lyrics help!

=======================

Tomoyo placed the cup of steaming black coffee on Eriol's study table, and at the same time, wondered where could have her husband gone to this early in the morning. The bed was perfectly made, as if it hadn't been slept on. His table was cluttered with papers and sharpened remains of his light blue pencil, suggesting that he had been at work there.

But where was Hiiragizawa Eriol anyway?

Her eyes traveled to the music sheets.

She was aware of his job as a writer of gospel songs, so she wasn't surprised at all to see them. However, her attention was immediately arrested by the first two lines—they didn't exactly sound like church lyrics.

_when autumn comes again, _

_you want me to embrace love with a smile on my face._

Autumn. Nakuru did mention that Kaho and Luna died on this gloomy season. She immediately understood what the song was. Pain crossed her heart as she read the two little lines yet made two not-so-little impacts on her.

This song was for Mizuki Kaho, a sign that he had not yet let go.

And that realization made her ache so much.

"Snooping around?" Eriol entered the room from the bathroom, wrapped only with a towel to cover his lower body. Before she could control herself, her eyes scanned the proud protuberance behind his towel.

"Never got a chance yet to examine a live male anatomy, dear wife?" he asked mockingly.

She felt her cheeks turn hot. If it was for him catching her looking at his _thing_…er, things (as in object, she added quietly in her mind), or him catching her in this situation while covered only by a meagerly-cut fabric, she didn't bother to contemplate on. She immediately excused herself, wanting to get out of the room as soon as possible. The humiliation was simply too much for her to bear.

"Hold it." She felt his hand stop her arm. Yet she refused to meet his gaze; she knew she would lose grip on her remaining composure if she allowed herself the audacity to face this man.

"I brought coffee," she mumbled. "I didn't know you weren't here, so I left it on the table."

"And how would you explain your eyes on my…" He chuckled as he watched her face burn some more. "…music sheets?"

"C-Curiosity," she choked.

"Curiosity," he said, nodding. "Why don't we satisfy that queer, little curiosity of yours, wife?" He sat down on his study table, not caring to put on his clothes yet. As a result, she couldn't lift her eyes from the marble flooring of the master's bedroom.

"I took that line from the last love letter Kaho gave me. She was on the final trimester of her pregnancy, and perhaps she knew things that even Clow Reed didn't. she told me that she would be leaving me soon, somewhere in the autumn season. She would pass away with the falling leaves, so she could come down on me as snow just in time for winter and keep me company. But she told me not to let her fate frighten me from experiencing falling in love again." He exhaled audibly. "That was the hardest thing she had asked of me, you know."

She smiled thoughtfully.  "It shouldn't be, because autumn is the real season of living and accepting. Autumn exists to welcome and to say goodbye to hard winter and sweet summer and spring respectively. Autumn is the difference between romance and love, of hope and disenchantment. It is the essence of bittersweetness, losing one thing to gain more in life." She turned to him, beaming. "I admire Mizuki-sensei for saying that, even if she knew how her fate would be in this lifetime."

He paused, then chuckled. "You remind me of that impossible shoujo optimism heroines show in Nakuru's manga collections."

"You read shoujo comics?" Her eyes widened. Hiiragizawa Eriol was no enigma for nothing.

"That's beside the point. What I am saying is you can only say those things because you haven't loved and lost, like me." He couldn't explain why he couldn't stop himself from engaging her in this casual conversation—about Kaho, at that! He had never managed to talk to anyone about his deceased wife in this manner, as if it was a perfectly ordinary talk.

But he actually loved hearing her chirp about the honey-flavored sermons on life and its mechanics from Tomoyo. She spoke every statement as if she believed them with all her soul, and that was what he liked most in this exchange.

Tomoyo, on the other hand, was happy that for once, they were able to talk like they used to do back in elementary school. No talks about sex, child-seeding, or insults. Just…just a conversation. An open, honest dialogue. She flipped her hair over her shoulders. "You're not the only one who experienced love lost, Hiiragizawa Eriol, so don't act all-knowing. And I don't call it shoujo manga optimism. It's called hope. And no, I'm not talking about cigarettes." She cupped her chin with her hand as she thought about what she should say next. "When people hope, people learn courage. If they lost it, they could find it again. If it was weakened, it would be renewed. Anyway, Kaho-sensei must want you to understand what hope is. Hope that could make us look forward even if circumstances push us two steps backward."

"Hopes that could disappoint too," he pointed out.

"Hey, at least you gave it a shot."

"At least," he said. He had to smile at that.

She grinned. "And you know, it's much, much better to hope. You know why, Hi-kun?"

"Tell me."

"Hope runs eternal, so you will live longer. Isn't that good news?" she giggled.

"You don't possess a viewpoint of a man reincarnated so you wouldn't understand why I couldn't share your opinion." But his controlled smile blossomed into a full one, brimming with amusement. Good lord, when had he last felt this relaxed?

Her eyes softened. "Hey, husband dear, I just realized something."

"Hmm?"

"I know this would kind of…uh…ruin the first good mood between us but…" she cleared her throat. "…I just want to ask if…if you wouldn't be so selfish as to keep this side of your personality to yourself?" She smiled uncertainly.

"Are you suggesting that I have schizophrenia?" His forehead creased.

"N-No, only multiple personalities," she murmured, laughing.

"Pardon?"

She cleared her throat again. "N-Nothing. I-I mean, maybe it would be nice if we can always be like this."

"This?" He feigned ignorance, entertained by the discomfort on her face. He was still at lost though –genuinely—with how she was able to shift his perpetually dark mood within a few moments.

It was as incredible as how she could easily make him rock hard without even trying.

That last thought made him groan inwardly. Perhaps, if there was one thing his infamous wisdom couldn't explain, it was his body's traitorous reaction whenever he looks at his wife as a woman, a woman whose beauty was the only one he noticed after Kaho died.

Fortunately, she spoke, breaking his train of thoughts.

"This…comfortable," she said, smiling sheepishly. "I know you said that you can't love me, and you won't believe me when I said that I feel for you…" she inhaled shakily. "N-Not that I'm blaming you or anything because it is indeed, impossible for something deep a bond as that in a short period of time…"

"Yes, Tomoyo?" His eyes were asking her to go straight to the point.

"Can we at least be friends?" she asked, almost beggingly.

"No."

Her face fell. "Oh Eriol…"

"There are many disadvantages to that. We can't have emotional attachment…" We? Where did that word come from?

"Look, if ever it comes to that point, it would be no problem. If you tell me that we have to end it, I won't argue," she reasoned.

"Secondly, even if we do form friendship, it won't survive. It wasn't pure, unadulterated affections that bound us together in the first place. Would you like something as shaky and ruthless as a child-seeding deal to be the foundation of our amity?" he asked.

She looked down sadly. "I see…"

He got up and sat down beside her. "Most importantly…" His hands cupped her face tenderly. "Friends can't kiss friends…" His face lowered to hers.

"They could too!" she protested weakly, but he knew it was out of desperation—a last-ditch effort of her pride to stop what would happen.

He smiled in silent delight as he felt her soft body tremble as his semi-naked form enveloped her.  He knew she was frightened, but the excited fire in her eyes conveyed otherwise.

"Well, dear wife, not _this_ way…"

She felt her heart spin dizzily as his hot tongue sought entrance to her mouth carnally, wanting to taste its corners, explore its depths no other man was permitted to go. Her arms encircled around his neck, pulling him closer. His kiss grew more urgent as the kiss went deeper, more passionate.

Both were aware of the heated electricity flowing within them, making them both feel very alive in a very sensual fashion.

His mouth left hers for a moment, and he seized the chance to gaze at her face. Her cheeks were flushed, her lustrous curls tousled wildly and beautifully, and her mouth slightly swollen. At that moment, he knew he had seen the goddess of love.

"Tomoyo…"

"Y-Yes?"

"Let's do it," he whispered, eyes lit up in excitement.

Her cheeks turned redder, if that was possible. "Wha…Eriol…" She wasn't ready, but if he was going to ask one more time, she didn't think she would have the heart to refuse him. Her body was yearning for his too.

"Let's—" All of a sudden, he sneezed.

Her mouth dropped open, then she burst into laughter. How glad she was for this little accident! The erotica spirit that had seemingly came out of nowhere and possessed her awhile ago was successfully exorcised. She pushed him away lightly and fixed her rumpled dressing robe. "You'll catch cold if you insist to remain in that getup."

"Cold nothing." He didn't look too mad though. In fact, she swore she detected a smile on his lips.

"Let's have breakfast." She kissed his forehead—the chastest one she could offer. "Get dressed, husband."

"Breakfast in bed?" he asked teasingly.

"I love you," she said softly.

It was enough for all the colors on his face to drain.

"You don't have to say anything, Eriol. I just…wanted to get that out of my chest." She forced a smile. "No expectations, don't worry. I understood what you told me about this matter." She blushed. "I-I'm already babbling…bad sign." She walked out of the room, humming.

For a second, he couldn't move. All of a sudden, he groaned in frustration.

"Damn you, Tomoyo. How could you do this…this pointless absurdity?" he asked the empty master's bedroom. "Women! All they want is complications!"

And once more, his powers and his knowledge were useless in giving enlightenment to his situation, let alone what he should do next.

---------------

to be continued


	9. 9

Eriol started to play the first few keys of the song he was creating. His fingers flew over the ivory keys as he translated his music sheets into the more fluid poetry of his grand piano.

"When autumn comes again, you want me to embrace love with a smile on my face. No matter how temporary this tenderness is, the kindness of being able to meet is already enough for me…" His hands suddenly stopped moving; his thoughts ceased flowing.

Why was he bothering to write another love song again anyway? Had not he vowed not to touch the piano keys again with a melody of a love song?

It was futile anyway, since the very melody of his life was gone. Forever.

Mortality. Why didn't he create a spell against mankind's biggest curse? Was it not the same thing that limited his powers in his first lifetime?

What was forever for someone as wise as him? His magic may not be infinite, but surely, forever would not go beyond infinity, at least not for his clow magic.

His fists banged against the keys, making a startling sound of crashing toneless notes.

But damn him, he knew he could never find the moral fiber to play god.

He was scared, and the same fear made him stand by and watch helplessly as fate took away the two people he cherished the most.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

What I Really Want: chapter 9

_For my kitten, Aburame Shino-chan. She couldn't read, but she insisted to stay on my lap and watch me type this fic._

_Truly gifted my cat is. _

_Horrible my sentence syntax is._

_But admit, you must, that it rhymes…uh…as it is._

_Please._

_(insert your colorful profanities here)_

_Btw, if you recognize the song that I used here in this fanfic, you will receive a special thank you from me Clue: It was sung by a Taiwanese hunk who starred in a well-known Chinese drama about a flower._

………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Hadn't much luck with your songs lately?" asked Tomoyo sympathetically as she finished stirring the mushroom soup which would serve as their late breakfast for today.

"Musician's block," he shrugged. "I just need a fresh fusion of inspiration, and I know I can finish my pieces."

"You work too hard," she said, turning her attention to the rice cooker. It was just about ready to be served, along with the sunny side-up eggs she cooked earlier.

"Unfortunately, not hard enough." He looked outside the window moodily. "I shouldn't have touched that damn piano!" he muttered angrily. "If I only knew it would be this bothersome…"

"Don't curse the piano," she said wryly as she scooped a bowl of the creamy soup from the pot. "It's not like it seduced you to make music with it."

He threw her a dry glance. "Your remarks never fail to astound me every time."

"I hope that it's a compliment, or I'll sprinkle poison on your soup." She served him the first course of the breakfast. "There! The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so I'm going to test that maxim."

"The BEST way to THIS man's heart is through his bed," he said sourly.

She laughed. A month ago, she could have been scandalized by this, or worse, she could have been hurt.

But thirty something days with him helped her understand how brutal his candidness could be, and he was just testing how far her patience would go. It was one of the small little things that helped her see this outrageous marriage in a more positive light.

 He glared at her pointedly. He never really like being laughed at without him knowing why. Not even his deceased wife had the guts to do that.  He then turned his attention to his breakfast. "It's not edible. It's disgusting," he recited his comments like a litany. "The eggs came out too raw—"

"You said you wanted them half-done."

"The rice is still sticky and wet—"

"Sue the manufacturer of the rice cooker we're using, not me."

"The soup's…" He struggled for other comments. "…not the way Kaho cooks it."

She winced. "She didn't follow the instructions at the back of the can?" She looked at the ready-to-cook mushroom soup label of the can.

"And the orange juice is too sour!"

"Were you expecting it to be salty?"

"Kaho's juice is—"

"I'm not her, husband dear." She sat down beside him, taking her own plate on the table. "You're married to me, so why don't you lower your standards? You have to learn to get used to my raw eggs, sticky rice, and sour juice. You're living with me, if you still haven't realized that."

"And may I remind you too that I want her, not you. So you have to live with me and my standards, no matter how impossible they are."

She shrugged. "I will be the mother of your child, so why don't you at least give me respect for THAT fact?"

He fell silent.

She sighed, relieved. Ever since that afternoon some days ago when he ended his music composition session with a frustrating bang on the piano, he had reverted to his moody personality. Somehow, she knew that it was yet another Mizuki Kaho-related angst, and here she was again, trying to cheer him out of his blues. The fact though was, he was stubbornly clinging to his blues, as if it was a cocoon protecting him from his own issues.

He wanted to drown in depression so he wouldn't have to swim against the currents of life.

Cowardly. Something she never thought Hiiragizawa Eriol was, basing on how she knew him back in their elementary days.

But things change—it was inevitable. Even for someone like him, former most powerful Clow Reed.

"When?"

The question startled her. She stopped chewing on her supposedly undercooked sunny-side up eggs and looked at him. "Come again?"

"When will you give me my child?" he asked, somewhat wearily.

She looked down. She knew a silent pressure when she encounters one. Yet she could see the genuine pain on his face, and her heart—her stupid, stupid heart—was crying out for him.

Her silence must have prompted him to reconsider what he said. "I know I promised not to ask…forget what I said," he said quietly before continuing his meal.

"Nine months."

His head shot up.

"Nine months…from this night," she said slowly. She wasn't sure about her decision, but she knew she would regret nothing. The moment she saw Hiiragizawa Eriol standing in front of the Tsukimine Shrine, she knew she had found the man she had waited all her life. And she was willing to give him her all, in the name of sweet, sweet surrender.

"Tomoyo, I said, forget it. I…I just lost my control awhile ago…"

"If it will take a child for you to free yourself from the past, then a child you will have." Her voice didn't even shake, although deep within her, she trembled.

But at least a part of her dream would come true, wouldn't it? That she would give herself to the one she loves?

"No, forget it," he said firmly. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"Tonight. I'll wait for you in my room." She then continued her interrupted meal.

………………………..

Eriol watched his wife, forehead creased. Why did he open his big mouth anyway?

_But is she serious? _He wondered quietly. He watched her eat quietly, not without noticing that her usual cheerfully twinkling eyes weren't there.

_If it will take a child for you to free yourself from the past, then a child you will have._

No one had ever cared about him that way, and he could not understand why she had to care so much. He couldn't accept it easily that she was doing all of this because she loved him.

Loved him.

No, it was impossible.

He was not someone to love. Even Kaho didn't love him—he knew pity, and that was what she had given him.

So who did she think she was, telling him that she would mother his child for love?

She said she loves you, so that's why you're trying to push her away, right? Because you're afraid to believe on something and someone with all your heart after what Kaho and Luna did to you?

And worse, you already are starting to believe.

…………………………..

Tomoyo groaned for the nth time. She had spent the whole afternoon in front of the computer, researching in the web for information and advice on successful seduction.

She felt a little silly—how should someone seduce her own husband? It was something that shouldn't be asked for anyway. As one article stated, it only required knowing his preferences and wants, meaning intimate knowledge about the partner.

And that was something she didn't have.

Petals of roses and scented candles would also work wonders, another article suggested. Anything that could help make the mood provocatively romantic, like sultry jazz would be a plus.

Oh, and of course, the right type of lingerie. Black was the general first choice, but white could also produce the "virginal" effect. Red could be promising too for Adam. Lilac would make the scene luxuriously delicious. Every color could mean something, but in the end, it would be the wearer's sexy confidence that would carry it all of.

Confidence? She didn't have even an ounce of self-esteem within her now! Not to mention self-respect too!

She looked at the taskbar containing the window on fetus gender determination through sexual positions. She had earlier felt courageous when she entered her search on that topic in Google, but now that she was to actually see the result—

"Mistress?" Nakuru's face peeked in through the slightly ajar door.

Flustered, Tomoyo dragged the taskbar down. "O-Oh, h-hi!"

"You said you wanted me to buy something downtown?" asked the servant, sitting down on her bed.

She blushed involuntarily. "Y-Yes. A… a friend wanted me to buy a few things…but I can't find the time to go out, s-so if you don't mind doing the errand for me…" She started to jot down the materials the websites stated.

"Of course! How could I mind?" Nakuru laughed. "Sure, draw up your list!"

"Huh? Ginseng? What dish will you be cooking tonight?" Nakuru asked, blinking naively.

Her cheeks burned. According to another article she read, ginseng was supposed to be one of the premier aphrodisiac foods there was.

"Hmm…your friend is pretty queer," commented the servant when she came upon the scented candles part. "Is she a guru or something? Or was their power failure in their house?"

Tomoyo hoped that her hair could curtain her very embarrassed expression. "I-I can't understand myself what went to her mind when she jotted them down."

………………………………

Later, she went down the stairs, grateful that Nakuru didn't encounter Eriol in the hallway, lest the moon servant would be interrogated on the ginseng thingie.

She paused when she heard the familiar strains of piano music. It had the same tune as the one he had been playing over and over this week. It was lonely, yet poignant kind of lonely.

"When autumn comes again, you want me to embrace love with a smile on my face. No matter how temporary this tenderness is, the kindness of being able to meet is already enough for me…"

And then the music stopped.

She opened her eyes—she just realized that she had closed her eyes already as she was enjoying the music—and peeked through the music room. Eriol was staring at the keys, frowning. He was at lost as to how to continue the piano piece.

Before she could stop herself, she went into the room and sat down the bench. "Hey…"

He grunted to acknowledge her presence.

"Your intro was…beautiful," she whispered shyly.

"I could continue the music…but I ran out of lines." He looked at the notes moodily.

"Will you play the song again for me?"

"The song is not for you."

"I never said it was." She laughed quietly. But if you play for me, I can always pretend otherwise.

So he did as told.

"When autumn comes again, you want me to embrace love with a smile on my face. No matter how temporary this tenderness is, the kindness of being able to meet again is already enough for me…" he sang softly.

"…knowing that there were certain incident and certain people remaining on the day when it happened and leaving not," she put in. He stiffened, but recovering at once, he continued the piano music as Tomoyo continued her own vocal contribution.

"Gazing into the cruelty of time, Unwilling to be forgotten, I am very satisfied with this fate—the happiness of having you around me," she sang.

I want to open for you the key to time, to let you love freely, And set free the bounds it sets upon you.

One by one, her tears dropped down her cheeks. How could she be a fool to assume that she was good enough to compete with Mizuki Kaho, the woman he looked up at as a goddess?

"Tomoyo?" his worried voice made her eyes flap open. She tried to smile, even if her tears were still cascading down.

"I can feel your music penetrating my soul," she said softly. "You have to continue this song. This will be your _obra maestra._ This will be the pride among your pieces."

"We will continue this. You and I." He smiled, taking her breath away. "I found the lines I were looking for in your voice. I think I finally found the inspiration I needed the most."

She tried not to blush. "N-No more musician's block eh?"

"We'll try to finish the half of the song tonight," he said, nodding.

"B-But…" _What about the child-seeding?_ Her eyes asked silently.

"We will make love too…with music." He laughed gently. "We have all the time in the world for that, but flashes of inspirations…" He cupped her face tenderly and planted a soft, feathery kiss on her slightly parted mouth. "…should not be dismissed easily."

"Eriol-kun…" Her eyes twinkled.

"Mistress!" Nakuru appeared in the room, smiling. "I got everything you ordered…except for the ginseng."

Tomoyo felt herself blush from head to toe as Eriol gazed at her, first confused, then knowingly.

"I think we still have onions in the kitchen," said her husband, smirking devilishly.

"T-Tomorrow…we can get that tomorrow." She turned away so as not to see the playful mockery on his face.

……………………..

to be continued


	10. 10

Tomoyo was humming softly the tune of Eriol's still title-less composition when the phone suddenly rang.

"I'll get it!" she called out to no one in particular. She knew that her husband was busy in the music room while Nakuru was in front of the television, absorbed in watching those suddenly ubiquitous reality shows. On the other hand, Suppi may be in the library, busy with its books.

As she lifted the receiver, she couldn't help but wonder who would call the Hiiragizawa residence. It couldn't be for Suppi, that was for sure—unless Kero-chan had started to use the phone to annoy its counterpart sun symbol guardian. It might be for Nakuru, but it was unlikely. Except for Sakura and Yukito, no one had ever called on the moon servant.

So that leaves me and Eriol-kun… 

She answered the call on the next ring. "Hello, Hiiragizawa residence."

"Is Mrs. Hiiragizawa there?" asked the female voice.

Now if that caller had one consolation, it was that it wasn't looking for _Mr._ Hiiragizawa. "Speaking," she decided to say, a little thrilled by the attachment of her beloved's surname with hers.

"This is the Tomoeda General Hospital. We called you up to inform you that your mother met a serious vehicular accident, and is now in comatose. Please proceed here immediately--"

But she had already placed the phone down, trembling. She sank on the couch, eyes shaking. It couldn't be true. Daidouji Sonomi…in comatose?

It was absurd—her mother was the perfect fount of life. This couldn't be happening.

At that moment, Eriol entered the living room, holding on to his folder of music sheets. His attention was immediately arrested by the pale-looking woman seated by the phone, looking very upset. He placed his things on the table, and then sat down beside her.

"What is it?" he asked. He was neither concerned nor harsh. He was plainly asking, for curiosity's sake, perhaps.

In tremulous voice, she told him about the call she just received.

………………………………..

A/N: To those who guessed it was Lavender that the song came from, then congrats! You got it right! This is the ending theme of the drama sung by Ambrose Hsu entitled Xing Fu De Shun Jian. I recommend that you guys download this either through Winmx or Kazaa so you guys can truly experience this fanfic. I'm working on the fourth version of my ET site too, and I'm going to post this mp3 there too .

Anyway, to those who guessed it right, I will be emailing you guys my "arigatou".

Now on with the story!

………………………………..

Eriol's grip on the steering wheel tightened as he heard the small broken sobs from his wife. "Tomoyo, you have to calm down," he said, masking his voice with annoyance. He didn't want her to sense his agitation about her situation. He knew that Daidouji Sonomi was the only family she has with her now, after Sakura migrated to Hong Kong with her husband.

"Mind your own business!" she snapped.

"Well I can't do that with all your bawling!" he yelled, hurt by her curtness. He wasn't used to this kind of Daidouji Tomoyo, and he never would. She was upset, and he had no idea how to deal with it. In the end,  he just decided to raise the volume of the FM radio to block out her sobs.

"Damn it, Eriol! Let me out of this car!" she wailed. She wasn't in the mood to even argue with her impossible husband, but his indifference was draining her energy. "If my noise annoys you then let me out! I can walk there alone—"

"Shut the hell up!" He abruptly stepped on the brakes, making the cars behind them honk angrily.

"THAT'S IT!" she screamed, taking her seatbelt off. "Let me out of here! I'm going to the hospital alone—"

His hand roughly grabbed her shoulders and pulled her towards him in a silencing kiss. She tried to resist, but all for vain. He was her kryptonite, her ultimate weakness. Hadn't she learned her lesson yet?

He let go of her, eyes less harsher than she remembered. "You are my wife," he said in soft firmness. "I am where you are, don't you forget that."

He started the car again, deliberately ignoring the waving traffic enforcers. She, on the other hand, leaned back on the car seat, her eyes shut.

This was the first time that he ever voluntarily acknowledged her presence in his life, and this was the only thing that she could be happy for in this otherwise dire situation.

She sneaked a glance at the profile of her husband, and then closed her eyes again.

_If I pretend hard enough, maybe I can actually convince myself that he is worried about me._

…………………………..

"Mrs. Hiiragizawa! Please stay back. Daidouji-sama is undergoing an operation—" The nurses outside the emergency room tried to hold Tomoyo back, but she violently shook them off.

"My mother needs me! Don't you medics understand? Mother! Mother!!!" she dashed into the operating room, her eyes welling up with fresh tears. Behind her, Eriol hurried after her.

One of the doctors noticed her presence at once. "Ah wait, Miss Tomoyo! You have to wait outside!"

She ignored them and went straight to her unconscious mother, sobbing. "Mother, I'm here! It's me, Tomoyo. Mother, wake up please!"

Another nurse entered the room, face contorted in panic. "The patient has lost too much blood…"

"Nurse, get the patient's daughter out," ordered the head of the medical team, face torn in pity and desire to continue his job.

"You have no right to do this! She is my mother!" she wailed, struggling to return to Daidouji Sonomi's side. "She is my life! She can't die, do you hear me?!!"

Sonomi's eyes weakly opened. "T-Tomoyo…"

"Mom!" she called, eyes shaking. "Mom, I'm here!!! Mom!!!"

The woman smiled with the last of her strength. "I love you, Baby. I'll always will." And then she closed her eyes, making the doctors surrounding her more worried.

Eriol's arms wrapped around her, and she instantly buried her face on his chest, sobbing her heart out. The man guided her out of the operating room, whispering hushed comforting words to her ears—words that she would never had expected to hear from someone like him.

The next thing she knew, they were both seated on the benches outside the room. She was still clutching on his shoulders as if they were a lifesaver.

"Tomoyo, ssh, your tears won't help her," he murmured, smoothing her hair with his palm.

"S-She can't die…she's the only one I have…she's the only one I've got…" she whispered, her voice broken as her heart.

He clasped her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently. "I'm here for you."

But she was beyond comprehension anymore; she had fallen asleep, exhausted from crying.

………………………

When her eyes flapped open again, the first thing she saw was the lonely blue eyes of her husband.

"E-Eriol…" She tried to get up, but she felt that she was too weak. She then discovered that they were back inside his car again. She tried to re-orient her thoughts, and she gasped. "M-Mother!"

She felt her lungs lose air when he slowly shook his head.

"She passed away an hour ago."

The same darkness that claimed her consciousness returned, and she willingly went with it.

………………………..

She didn't remember anymore what happened after she lost consciousness. She wasn't aware anymore of the interment ceremony the company gave her mother, nor the people who gave their condolences to her. She vaguely recognized Sakura's tearful face and Syaoran's grim smile, but she was too exhausted to even acknowledge their presences, or their efforts to cross miles just to see whether she was alright.

She could only remember security in the arms of the person she least likely expected to give. Hiiragizawa Eriol took care of everything, making sure that the people were accommodated, the food was served, and at the same time, that she was eating her meals three times a day. Only heaven knows why he was doing this—obligations, perhaps it was safe to say, but she was simply grateful that he was doing all the worrying for her. She only wanted to heal her brokenness. She only wanted some last private moments with the memories of her mother.

_I wasn't even able to say goodbye properly_, she thought as she stared at the picture frame of her mother resting on her table. She wasn't even there to hold her hand before her mother's soul drifted away. She didn't dare think anymore of how her mom felt when she departed alone.

"Say hello to Aunt Nadeshiko for me," she said softly before lying down on her bed to sleep.

…………………..

"She didn't take dinner yet?" Eriol asked when he saw Nakuru tapping her knuckle on the bedroom door of Tomoyo.

The moon servant sadly shook her head. "She didn't eat much this morning, and her breakfast was her last meal today."

"Damn!" He knew he shouldn't have gone to the Daidouji main office today—Nakuru and Spinel weren't reliable enough to trust the depressed Daidouji woman with. He was the only one who could really look after her the way he wanted.

But he had to go over with the company lawyer the legalities and issues that surfaced with the president's death. He had taken care already of giving the absolute power of attorney, and had opted to just give his wife a monthly pension so she wouldn't have to be forced to take her mother's place. He didn't know how Tomoyo would react, but he reasoned that she was not in the right emotional state to discuss urgently important things such as this one.

"Leave us alone. I can take care of her." He took the food tray from Nakuru, and the latter left the hallway sadly.

…………………….

The connecting door to the bathroom opened, waking Tomoyo up. She groggily opened her eyes as the aroma of food greeted her senses.

"Nakuru said you didn't eat this lunch, and you slept over dinner," Eriol said scoldingly, placing the tray on his lap as he took his seat on her bed. "If this is suicide then I won't just stand in the sidelines and watch."

"W-Where have you been?" It was the first question that popped in her mind.

"In your company. I had asked for an appointment with your mother's lawyer so he could read the last will and testament for you," he replied, spooning soup for her.

She looked at the food, then back at her lap. "I'm not hungry…"

"Then pretend, for your health's sake," he said curtly. "You're killing yourself!"

"Leave me alone," she begged.

"You can't make me go away. I am your husband."

"Do you want me to believe that?" she asked wearily.

He groaned audibly. "Let's argue about this some other time. Right now, you need to force yourself to eat because you need to get your strength back."

"What for?" she asked moodily.

"Damn it, you still want to be a mother, remember?" he snapped, startling her.

Her lilac eyes widened. "A mother…" Yes, she remembered telling Daidouji Sonomi about her desire to be a mother. She could remember how Sonomi's face lit up when she said that, as well as when she started talking about it as being the epitome of womanhood.

"You will mother my child, Tomoyo," he said firmly, placing the tray on the table. His hand slipped to her neck and caressed its way up to her pale cheeks. "And I want that child to be born healthy and strong. Will you live for that, Tomoyo?" he asked softly.

Her tears threatened to fall. Hiiragizawa Eriol was giving her a purpose to continue living.

Eriol lowered his lips to her temple kissed her gently. "Live, Tomoyo. You still have so much to live for. I am sure that this is what Daidouji-sama wanted too, that's why she left you while you were sleeping. She wanted to bid farewell painlessly."

"I'm in pain now," she whispered.

His lips found their way to her own. "I'll take them away…by and by," he promised before kissing her chastely. "But tonight, you have to rest."

"N-No…let's talk about our future child." Tomoyo smiled for the first time since the fateful incident. "I want a boy, just like Aunt Nadeshiko had. So someone will protect his baby sister…"

"So you're planning to have more than one baby, eh?" he asked, slowly smiling back.

She leaned on his arms. "Yes. I'll make Mother proud of me."

They talked idly for a few more minutes when she suddenly asked him to sing for her his unfinished masterpiece. He quickly obliged.

_When autumn comes again, you want me to embrace love with a smile on my face. No matter how temporary this tenderness is, the kindness of being able to meet again is already enough for me…_

_…knowing that there were certain incident and certain people remaining on the day when it happened and leaving not…_

_Gazing into the cruelty of time, Unwilling to be forgotten, I am very satisfied with this fate: the happiness of having you around me._

He felt her slowly drift off to sleep in his arms. He gazed down at her sleeping face, thankful to see them less lonely now. The tranquility in his wife's face was enough to solicit a warm emotion within him.

Fondness?

He had no answer for that, and so he just let himself sleep too, holding her in his arms as if she was his most precious possession.

-----------------------

to be continued


End file.
